Tag Archives: zen

Duality: Either/Or vs. The Spectrum

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WARNING:  This post will take you down a very deep rabbit hole if you let it…good luck.

The duality of everything is going to drive me insane, I think.  I yearn for independence and yet need thousands around me to survive.  I want eternal happiness, yet feel down or depressed for no reason.  I strive to be a man of virtue, yet notice some of my actions are inconsistent with right versus wrong.

I’ve really been noticing the contradiction all around me.  It really is everywhere.  It is everywhere and unavoidable.  AND, like I said, my noticing it lately has been driving me crazy.  It is like watching an existential tennis match, when you hate tennis!

  • happy/sad
  • life/death
  • practical/idealistic
  • sleep/awake
  • materialistic/spiritual
  • money is everything/money is nothing
  • individuality/non-self
  • meaning/emptiness
  • purpose/futility
  • good/evil
  • knowledge/ignorance

I think the insanity begins when you start thinking of all these “opposites” as distinct either/or poles.  Either life has purpose or it is futile, either I am happy or I am sad, etc.  As soon as you start noticing these things, they pop up all around you, they come at you from everywhere…like that tennis match, or maybe it’s like two opposing walls closing inward on you with ever greater compression (think of the Star Wars trash compactor scene).  My personal frustration begins when I try to figure it out.  What does it all mean?  Is their purpose in life or is it futile?  Are we inherently evil or good?  Should I reach out to change my world or recede into myself?  Should I be happy with what I have, or should I strive for more?

So, this is where I try to break the paradigm, changing that either/or view to one of seeing suchness, one that sees that there is no either/or.  What is the answer to those questions I posed above?  When I reflect, meditate and breathe, I see the answer is yes and no, all at once.  It might be helpful to combine the answer to “yes&no.”   Is life meaningless? yes&no. Does life have purpose?  yes&no.  Should I strive to attain more wealth, or should I be happy with what I have? yes&no.  A “Yes&No” view acknowledges that there is a spectrum of non-answers rather than either/or.  It also acknowledges that I may be wrong about my own view, that clinging to an answer I KNOW is true, may not be correct.  This view is something you can study about, but it must be experienced to truly attain it.

Are there absolutes or not?  We want there to be, don’t we?  We are comfortable when we cling to our “answers.”  From a practical standpoint, we decide yes or no all the time.  Should I steal this candy bar? No.  Is that the right thing to do? Yes.  However, when it comes to our place in all of existence, these answers are approximations for truth.  What if we ask even more questions about our candy bar problem?  Who is selling the candy bar?  What are they doing with the profits?  What is in the candy bar?  Is it hurting people?  Isn’t that their choice?  Is my neighbor starving?  Am I starving?

My point here is not to convince myself that stealing a candy bar might be the right thing to do (although, I suppose given the right conditions, it might).  My point is to illustrate that even with the simplest of either/or questions, there is a spectrum that goes unnoticed by us.  We create the either/or world to try and simplify our existence, but it is not reality.  If too much of this reality seeps through into our view without the right context, it can drive us mad.

That may very well be where the Buddhist concept of right view comes in.  To see reality and thrive, we must have context; a large sea of understanding that helps us see where we fit.  When I have a right view, I can see that there is a Middle Way.  I know that there are guides to right and wrong, but I understand that these guides are dependent on context, and that all of existence is very complicated.

If I point to the grain of sand, I would be both right and wrong.

If I try to point to the grain of sand, I would be both right and wrong.

What I think I am trying to emphasize is that our understanding is almost always incomplete.  The appearance of opposites is an illusion.  We must always (yes, I said always) make our decisions with incomplete information.  We do not know everything about anything, and we know very little about most things.  So, when we make our life decisions we can take heart in the fact that we are doing the best we can with the given information.  It seems that it is best when we avoid the opposite poles and favor the middle way.

…and hopefully avoid insanity.

“…what makes [the noble truths] noble truths is precisely that they are actual, undeviating, invariable (tatha, avitatha, anannatha). It is the failure to face the actuality of these truths that has caused us to wander for so long through the long course of samsara. It is by penetrating these truths exactly as they are that one can reach the true consummation of the spiritual quest: making an end to suffering.”

Taken from “Dhamma and Non-duality”, by Bhikkhu Bodhi. Access to Insight, 4 April 2011, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/bodhi/bps-essay_27.html . Retrieved on 2 January 2013.

 

My Meditation on Dukkha (…a special kind of “dissatisfaction”)

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I am about to turn 43.  Looking at that age written down, it looks like an old age.  It’s not elderly, but it’s old.  I always wanted to be 40.  It’s the age where you’re still young enough to do things, most people have their health, but very few consider you a “kid.”  You get respect at 40, while the degeneration process of the body and mind has not quite kicked in.  40 was my goal age.

The problem is that you don’t just get to stop at 40.  Honestly, the 3 years since I turned 40 have flown by like an instant.  The tick-tick-tick of time keeps moving.  In many ways, my life is about like I expected it to be now.  In other ways, it is completely off.  I thought there would be satisfaction in being in my 40’s.  Instead, there is a background of disappointment.  The millions that weren’t made (or at least 10’s of thousands) despite the hard work, the places I haven’t visited, the children who are leaving to live their own lives….I want them to be little again.  Where did the time go?  In short, just like happens to many of us who keep saying “if only i were XXX, then I’ll be happy” or “if only had, XXX then I will slow down,” and then we finally get there, I am on to the next bit of grasping for more.  We never really get there when we grasp for more…Dukkha.  Dukkha is that dissatisfaction that you will always feel when you grasp at this reality, when you expect fulfillment from things of this world.  You can never gain permanent satisfaction in this reality.

This background of dissatisfaction, I’ve felt this way before.  It is the type of feeling that rushes in and makes me ask, “Is this all there is?”  I started getting these feelings in my mid-20s; I think it was when the testosterone of teenage life wore off.  In my 20’s, I had alcohol that confused the matter…lots of alcohol.  All the while, I searched for truth.  I found the teachings of the Buddha, and read about Dukkha.  Buddhism recommended a drug-free existence.  When I was 31, I decided that I could see things more clearly without alcohol.  So, I stopped drinking it.

Without alcohol, I could see more clearly.

Without alcohol, I could see more clearly.

It was at that point that understanding came much faster.  My motivation was much better, and my energy returned.  I could see things clearer.  Success in life began to accelerate; and I kept learning.

But that feeling kept returning, more powerful each time.  As I tried to anchor myself in this world, it became less rational.  Empty.  There is no meaning in this perceived reality.  It is emptiness.

As I age, it can be gut-wrenching.  The dissatisfaction!  Dukkha.  I think as I age, the impermanence of existence is more obvious.  I used to play the “I wonder what I’ll be doing in ten years” game.  I don’t like to play that game anymore…53 is not an age I am in a rush to attain, nor do I wish for my children to each be 10 years older, and certainly not my parents.  I can accept it, but I can wait for it…patiently.  No hurry to speed through 10 years.

Dukkha indeed.   Grasping at this life as if it were going to last forever.   All that I see around me will be gone one day.  All that I feel, all that I’ve worked for will be gone.  All that I intend to work for in the next 10, 20, 30 years will eventually be gone.  In 30 years I will be 73…if I make it to that age.

One of my goals...aging gracefully.

One of my goals…aging gracefully. (www.loosha.nl – ginny@loosha.nl)

When I slow down, breathe, and enjoy my existence now.  When I read, write, reflect and feel, when I am present in the moment, the dissatisfaction fades.  Writing, for me, is my meditation, and it is one of those times I feel most alive.  It is my craft and it completes me.  I think we all have one or more of those things we do that bring us back to the present moment.

When we are present in the moment, we are not grasping, and we find the end of dissatisfaction, and if we are sages we can escape Dukkha.

How Can I be a Hero? Ten Things to Try Now!

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“Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind.” –Kansas

“We are the champions my friend, and we’ll keep on fighting til the end!” –Queen

Fate and impermanence are powerful concepts.  I’ve dwelled upon them in my previous posts…just about all of them, in fact.  You can find examples of this here, here, and here.  If I am destined for failure, doomed to death, and my world will eventually crumble before me, what’s the point?  Should I just throw in the towel?  If we are all destined for misery, then why should I even try?

Should I just give up?

No, no, no!  That is not my point!  It is true that much struggle, much strife will befall us.  It is also true that your existence, as well as that of all around you will be gone in no time.  Face it, in about 100 years it will all be new people.  100 years…that’s a blink of an eye in the continuum of the 13.7 billion (or so) the universe has existed.  For comparison, think of the age of the universe as a year.  If you live to be 100 years, your life span would be less than second in that year (actually, about 0.23 seconds).  So if our time is so short, then what does that mean?  What is it you want to do with those 100 years…with that blink of your existence?  How can I be a hero?  Here are some suggestions:

13.7 Billion Years!

  1. Make Something – Set yourself to building, or creating.  Build your child a treehouse, build a business.  Create art, music or poetry.  Design a widget to make someone’s life better.  Leave a legacy…for your own sake.
  2. Help Someone – You can volunteer at a soup kitchen, be a crossing guard, find a career where you can help someone…as a doctor, nurse, architect.  Be a banker, but bank with passion and compassion to make a difference in your world (not the ENTIRE world, just yours).
  3. Become a Master– Master the piano, brain surgery, flying a helicopter, fixing motorcycles.

    Master Brain Surgery!

    It may take years, it may take much of your time, but find something you love and master it!  It will make you proud, it will be worth it.

  4. Love Someone – Take a chance on an old relationship gone bad, maybe it is with your mother, father, brother, ex-husband, or an old friend.   Take a chance on telling someone how you feel…someone who might not know it…maybe it’s that huge crush, or a friend who doesn’t know about your romantic feelings.
  5. Love Everybody – You don’t need to trust everybody all the time, but you can give them a chance.  “Respect all, measure each.”  Most of those around you struggle to hold their ground in this wrestling match called life, and many are doing it honestly.  Have compassion for them today.
  6. “Be” with Someone – When you are with someone you love, pay attention to them.  Really listen.  Feel their feelings.  Empathize with them.  When you interact with anyone reallypay attention.  Be with them in the moment.

    Listen!

    You will notice more if you really pay attention.  Remember, you only have 100 years so use every moment wisely.

  7. Appreciate this Day– What kind of day is it?  The warm sun, the cold breeze, the wet rain, the cold snow…appreciate them all.  Take a deep breath…notice how it feels so refreshing as it replenishes your oxygen stores.  If 100 years is .23 seconds, then 1 day is 0.0000063 seconds.  Sands in the hourglass, no?
  8. Teach – Share what you know with someone.  Share your talents, pass on your skills to the next generation, or your current community.
  9. Reach a Goal – Finish that marathon, lose 10 pounds, golf below 80.  Finish college (just make it a degree worth pursuing)!  The pursuit makes life interesting.
  10. Relax – Yes, just take a break once in a while.  Maybe you could use a “staycation.”

No need to try them all, although you could in a 100 years, but maybe just try a few.  So, even though fate will have its way with you, you can take it on with tenacity.  You can be a hero if you put yourself to it.

…and you can be proud of it, because YOU made the effort!

You Can Take a Staycation with only 5 Minutes…and its Free!

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“Men seek retreats for themselves, houses in the country, sea-shores, and mountains; and thou too art wont to desire such things very much. But this is altogether a mark of the most common sort of men, for it is in thy power whenever thou shalt choose to retire into thyself. For nowhere either with more quiet or more freedom from trouble does a man retire than into his own soul, particularly when he has within him such thoughts that by looking into them he is immediately in perfect tranquility.”–Marcus Aurelius

People spend a lot of money and time so they can get away on splendid vacations.  They dream of places like Hawaii, Bermuda, St. Thomas, or maybe a get-away to Europe or Disney World!  Why do they do this?  I think everybody needs a little time to recharge the batteries, to gain a little clarity or put it all into perspective.  Also, I think that the stories we collect from our “get-aways” can last us a lifetime.

For the most part, though, all of the benefit of a vacation is available to you right now.  All you have to do is accept that it is all a game.  It is all impermanent.  Why are you chasing what you are chasing?  To have luxury? So your kids will have riches or security?  Will it help them?  You might be unemployed, so you are stressed about that.  You might have absolutely nothing.  Most of you reading this have at least some level of subsistence, though.  If you are reading this, at least you are alive, which is something for sure.  Even those with some major struggles, have a little time for a vacation, even one for 5 minutes.

You can get away right now.  Retire in your mind, and be grateful for all you have…for your life, your surviving family, the meal you will eat today.  Take a nap, watch a show, read a book, watch a TV movie with the family.  If only for a few minutes you can get away.  Maybe simply to reflect on what is virtuous, or on the impermanence of existence.

Is this guy on a Staycation? (photo by Kimberly Vohsen)

As for vacation stories, your everyday life is full of them.  Especially the small misfortune stories!  These are the blessings.  Like the time you backed into a pole, or your wife hit the side of the garage.  What about the morning you put your shirt on inside-out or backwards?  Yesterday, my daughter came down dressed in green-striped pants, with a pink and yellow checkered shirt.  Now that’s a story!  I collect vacations five minutes at a time.

I don’t think I could pull this look off.

In the end, you will be gone.  Don’t let this frighten you, just know that what you are after, what you are stressing over might not be that important.  Even if it is, you can take a break from it.

You can take your “Staycation.”

Beer, Fire, and on Being a Saber-Toothed Tiger’s Dinner

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For context, you have to read this post first: Important Things, Useless Things, and Beer.

While it may be true that the big things matter most, the real genius of living with virtue is mastering what those things are.  In the story from my last post, the teacher says that family, health, friends, and favorite passions are the large stones, the things that matter most.  Isn’t that a bit prescriptive?  How does he know, and what gives him the right to tell me what are the “large stones” in my life?

So, telling me that there are things that should be important to me and things that shouldn’t be important is somewhat helpful, although not very specific.  On the other hand telling me what should be important to ME, is quite specific, but a bit presumptuous, no?

But isn’t it just common sense that your family would be one of those big things?  Let’s look a little closer.  What if you have raised your child one way, and she decides to go another?  What if she provides you no respect whatsoever?  As an adult, this descendant of yours has cut you off. Should I force my will upon her?  Do I invite her to Thanksgiving dinner no matter what?  Do I try to establish an intimate father/daughter relationship regardless of her impudence?  What are the factors that led to our estrangement?  Couldn’t they be a series of “little things?”  What if you are a firefighter, and you are called to extinguish a blaze during your own family holiday gathering?  Do you say, “Hey man, family is way more important, you are going to have to find somebody else!”?

As I think about “The Stones in a Jar” story more and more, I am starting to doubt its usefulness.  This poor professor thinks there is a whole jar full of “big things” and “little things.”  He thinks family, health, friends, and passions are large stones.  What he has missed is that these things are actually lumped collections of “little things.”  They are clumps of sand…they are the seemingly unimportant things that together make the whole of my life.  To say that family, friends, health and passions are important is fair, but to call them big things might not be all that helpful advice for leading a virtuous life.

We tend to be like this as humans, we like to categorize things as big things and little things.  I think it was necessary for our survival.  A saber-toothed tiger about to pounce on us is a big thing.  Whether to build a fire out of maple or oak, might be a much smaller thing.  In any case, couldn’t you classify either in the family, friends, health or passions column?  It is very hard to have any of them when you are dinner for a predator.  As far as building that fire, doesn’t that provide welfare for your family/friends, and maybe provide you with the warmth and light to pursue your passion?  Doesn’t building a fire keep you healthy by allowing you to cook, keeping you warm, and warding off saber-toothed tigers?

The devil is in the details, isn’t it?  The fact of the matter is that the “big things” are nothing more than a collection of little things, aren’t they?  In my humble opinion there are very few big things, indeed.  When it comes down to it, the big things (the “large stones”) are the concepts that guide my life and my philosophy.  I can think of three categories of them:

As an alternative story to the “Jar of Stones” (and a much shorter one), maybe we can view things as a series of “clay projects.”  I think maybe the 3 concepts above could represent the water.  With this water, I can mix in the little things, the sand, and create my big things.  When you have water, all you have is water.  When you have sand, all you have is sand.  When you artfully mix them, you can build, mold, fashion many “bigger things” with the clay you’ve formed.

…including family, friends, health, and passions.