“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.” –Seneca
“Men seek retreats for themselves, houses in the country, sea-shores, and mountains; and thou too art wont to desire such things very much. But this is altogether a mark of the most common sort of men, for it is in thy power whenever thou shalt choose to retire into thyself. For nowhere either with more quiet or more freedom from trouble does a man retire than into his own soul, particularly when he has within him such thoughts that by looking into them he is immediately in perfect tranquility.”–Marcus Aurelius
People spend a lot of money and time so they can get away on splendid vacations. They dream of places like Hawaii, Bermuda, St. Thomas, or maybe a get-away to Europe or Disney World! Why do they do this? I think everybody needs a little time to recharge the batteries, to gain a little clarity or put it all into perspective. Also, I think that the stories we collect from our “get-aways” can last us a lifetime.
For the most part, though, all of the benefit of a vacation is available to you right now. All you have to do is accept that it is all a game. It is all impermanent. Why are you chasing what you are chasing? To have luxury? So your kids will have riches or security? Will it help them? You might be unemployed, so you are stressed about that. You might have absolutely nothing. Most of you reading this have at least some level of subsistence, though. If you are reading this, at least you are alive, which is something for sure. Even those with some major struggles, have a little time for a vacation, even one for 5 minutes.
You can get away right now. Retire in your mind, and be grateful for all you have…for your life, your surviving family, the meal you will eat today. Take a nap, watch a show, read a book, watch a TV movie with the family. If only for a few minutes you can get away. Maybe simply to reflect on what is virtuous, or on the impermanence of existence.
Is this guy on a Staycation? (photo by Kimberly Vohsen)
As for vacation stories, your everyday life is full of them. Especially the small misfortune stories! These are the blessings. Like the time you backed into a pole, or your wife hit the side of the garage. What about the morning you put your shirt on inside-out or backwards? Yesterday, my daughter came down dressed in green-striped pants, with a pink and yellow checkered shirt. Now that’s a story! I collect vacations five minutes at a time.
I don’t think I could pull this look off.
In the end, you will be gone. Don’t let this frighten you, just know that what you are after, what you are stressing over might not be that important. Even if it is, you can take a break from it.
You can take your “Staycation.”
“…Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.” –Robert Frost from The Road Not Taken
Which path to take?
By taking the Stoic path, indeed I am separating myself from a great deal of humankind. Living a philosopher’s life, particularly a Stoic one, is certainly not the latest trend. The reflective life in general, doesn’t seem to match the everyday world around us. In fact, it may seem strange to those you interact with. If you intend to pursue the virtuous life vis-à-vis the Stoics, then keep the following in mind:
Seneca addressed this in his letter to Lucilius, from which the quote above was taken. Click here or on the quote to read the full letter. Your friends might even think you are crazy, but this is nothing new: click here, and here. The Stoics might have been ahead of their time, but maybe I can be like them and be a little crazy myself!
You could call it a lonely life, but remember it’s lonely at the top.
The full letter from Seneca to Lucilius (really good stuff in bold):
Do you ask me what you should regard as especially to be avoided? I say, crowds; for as yet you cannot trust yourself to them with safety. I shall admit my own weakness, at any rate; for I never bring back home the same character that I took abroad with me. Something of that which I have forced to be calm within me is disturbed; some of the foes that I have routed return again. Just as the sick man, who has been weak for a long time, is in such a condition that he cannot be taken out of the the house without suffering a relapse, so we ourselves are affected when our souls are recovering from a lingering disease. To consort with the crowd is harmful; there is no person who does not make some vice attractive to us, or stamp it upon us, or taint us unconsciously therewith. Certainly, the greater the mob with which we mingle, the greater the danger.
But nothing is so damaging to good character as the habit of lounging at the games; for then it is that vice steals subtly upon one through the avenue of pleasure. What do you think I mean? I mean that I come home more greedy, more ambitious, more voluptuous, and even more cruel and inhuman, because I have been among human beings. By chance I attended a mid-day exhibition, expecting some fun, wit, and relaxation, – an exhibition at which men’s eyes have respite from the slaughter of their fellow-men. But it was quite the reverse. The previous combats were the essence of compassion; but now all the trifling is put aside and it is pure murder. The men have no defensive armour. They are exposed to blows at all points, and no one ever strikes in vain. Many persons prefer this programme to the usual pairs and to the bouts “by request.” Of course they do; there is no helmet or shield to deflect the weapon. What is the need of defensive armour, or of skill? All these mean delaying death. In the morning they throw men to the lions and the bears; at noon, they throw them to the spectators. The spectators demand that the slayer shall face the man who is to slay him in his turn; and they always reserve the latest conqueror for another butchering. The outcome of every fight is death, and the means are fire and sword. This sort of thing goes on while the arena is empty. You may retort: “But he was a highway robber; he killed a man!” And what of it? Granted that, as a murderer, he deserved this punishment, what crime have you committed, poor fellow, that you should deserve to sit and see this show? In the morning they cried “Kill him! Lash him! Burn him; Why does he meet the sword in so cowardly a way? Why does he strike so feebly? Why doesn’t he die game? Whip him to meet his wounds! Let them receive blow for blow, with chests bare and exposed to the stroke!” And when the games stop for the intermission, they announce: “A little throatcutting in the meantime, so that there may still be something going on!
Come now; do you/a not understand even this truth, that a bad example. reacts on the agent? Thank the immortal gods that you are teaching cruelty to a person who cannot learn to be cruel. The young character, which cannot hold fast to righteousness, must be rescued from the mob; it is too easy to side with the majority. Even Socrates, Cato, and Laelius might have been shaken in their moral strength by a crowd that was unlike them; so true it is that none of us, no matter how much he cultivates his abilities, can withstand the shock of faults that approach, as it were, with so great a retinue. Much harm is done by a single case of indulgence or greed; the familiar friend, if he be luxurious, weakens and softens us imperceptibly; the neighbour, if he be rich, rouses our covetousness; the companion, if he be slanderous, rubs off some of his rust upon us, even though we be spotless and sincere. What then do you think the effect will be on character, when the world at large assaults it! You must either imitate or loathe the world.
But both courses are to be avoided; you should not copy the bad simply because they are many, nor should you hate the many because they are unlike you. Withdraw into yourself, as far as you can, Associate with those who will make a better man of you. Welcome those whom you yourself can improve. The process is mutual; for men learn while they teach. There is no reason why pride in advertising your abilities should lure you into publicity, so that you should desire to recite or harangue before the general public. Of course I should be willing for you to do so if you had a stock-in-trade that suited such a mob; as it is, there is not a man of them who can understand you. One or two individuals will perhaps come in your way, but even these will have to be molded and trained by you so that they will understand you. You may say: “For what purpose did I learn all these things?” But you need not fear that you have wasted your efforts; it was for yourself that you learned them.
In order, however, that I may not today have learned exclusively for myself, I shall share with you three excellent sayings, of the same general purport, which have come to my attention. This letter will give you one of them as payment of my debt; the other two you may accept as a contribution in advance. Democritus says: “One man means as much to me as a multitude, and a multitude only as much as one man.” The following also was nobly spoken by someone or other, for it is doubtful who the author was; they asked him what was the object of all this study applied to an art that would reach but very few. He replied: “I am content with few, content with one, content with none at all.”
Written to one of the partners of his studies: “I write this not for the many, but for you; each of us is enough of an audience for the other.” Lay these words to heart, Lucilius, that you may scorn the pleasure which comes from the applause of the majority. Many men praise you; but have you any reason for being pleased with yourself, if you are a person whom the many can understand? Your good qualities should face inwards.
Farewell.
“In one respect man is the nearest thing to me, so far as I must do good to men and endure them. But so far as some men make themselves obstacles to my proper acts, man becomes to me one of the things which are indifferent, no less than the sun or wind or a wild beast.” Marcus Aurelius
“I will respect the dignity of all, but measure the character of each.” –from My Creed
People can be difficult to deal with. Here are three facts of dealing with people:
While many may be kind, helpful, courteous, and loving, they still will have different beliefs than you. You may have a lot in common with someone, but eventually you will find something that you two will not agree upon. You must decide which of these beliefs are unacceptable, and which you can accept. For example, some people may believe that aborting a fetus is fine in the first trimester of a pregnancy, but not after. You may disagree with this belief, and it may reveal something about the person’s character that you cannot tolerate, or you may disagree but think that this is a complex matter, or you may choose to convince the person that they may be in error in their belief.
From the day we are born, each of us has a developing brain. When we learn something, connections are formed and memories are stored. Here is the thing…each of us stores things differently. For example, when you learned how to pronounce the letter “T” you stored it in a specific place in your brain, let’s call it neuron 4, located on the far left of your head. Another person, who learned the same sound of the same letter “T” just like you did, stores it in neuron 84, located near the center of his head. My point is that everyone literally thinks differently. The pathways are unique in each and every one of us. So, when you think that somebody thinks like they are from another planet, than that may be why. They are recalling an idea, memory, or language differently than you.
It looks the same to the casual observer.
All around you, every day there are people lying, cheating, and stealing. You may have done one of these today. Somewhere somebody is killing someone else. Somewhere, right now, a salesman is outright lying about the value and quality of their product. Somewhere, somebody is trying to steal your identity. Some people dedicate their lives to doing bad things. We would like to think that most people are doing what is right most of the time, but nearly everyone does something wrong at least some of the time. The character of a person is the sum total of their actions, no? The greater the ratio of bad actions to good actions, the less you would want to associate with such a person. This ratio is never zero, but we all have to decide what ratio is intolerable.
These were handcrafted out of rare coconuts, really!
