Tag Archives: understanding

Seneca Letter 7 to Lucilius: On People

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The full letter from Seneca to Lucilius (really good stuff in bold):

Do you ask me what you should regard as especially to be avoided? I say, crowds; for as yet you cannot trust yourself to them with safety. I shall admit my own weakness, at any rate; for I never bring back home the same character that I took abroad with me.  Something of that which I have forced to be calm within me is disturbed; some of the foes that I have routed return again.  Just as the sick man, who has been weak for a long time, is in such a condition that he cannot be taken out of the the house without suffering a relapse, so we ourselves are affected when our souls are recovering from a lingering disease.  To consort with the crowd is harmful; there is no person who does not make some vice attractive to us, or stamp it upon us, or taint us unconsciously therewith.  Certainly, the greater the mob with which we mingle, the greater the danger.

But nothing is so damaging to good character as the habit of lounging at the games; for then it is that vice steals subtly upon one through the avenue of pleasure.  What do you think I mean? I mean that I come home more greedy, more ambitious, more voluptuous, and even more cruel and inhuman, because I have been among human beings.  By chance I attended a mid-day exhibition, expecting some fun, wit, and relaxation, – an exhibition at which men’s eyes have respite from the slaughter of their fellow-men.  But it was quite the reverse.  The previous combats were the essence of compassion; but now all the trifling is put aside and it is pure murder.  The men have no defensive armour.  They are exposed to blows at all points, and no one ever strikes in vain.  Many persons prefer this programme to the usual pairs and to the bouts “by request.” Of course they do; there is no helmet or shield to deflect the weapon.  What is the need of defensive armour, or of skill?  All these mean delaying death.  In the morning they throw men to the lions and the bears; at noon, they throw them to the spectators.  The spectators demand that the slayer shall face the man who is to slay him in his turn; and they always reserve the latest conqueror for another butchering.  The outcome of every fight is death, and the means are fire and sword.  This sort of thing goes on while the arena is empty.  You may retort: “But he was a highway robber; he killed a man!” And what of it?  Granted that, as a murderer, he deserved this punishment, what crime have you committed, poor fellow, that you should deserve to sit and see this show?  In the morning they cried “Kill him!  Lash him!  Burn him; Why does he meet the sword in so cowardly a way?  Why does he strike so feebly? Why doesn’t he die game?  Whip him to meet his wounds!  Let them receive blow for blow, with chests bare and exposed to the stroke!” And when the games stop for the intermission, they announce: “A little throatcutting in the meantime, so that there may still be something going on!
Come now; do you/a not understand even this truth, that a bad example. reacts on the agent?  Thank the immortal gods that you are teaching cruelty to a person who cannot learn to be cruel. The young character, which cannot hold fast to righteousness, must be rescued from the mob; it is too easy to side with the majority.  Even Socrates, Cato, and Laelius might have been shaken in their moral strength by a crowd that was unlike them; so true it is that none of us, no matter how much he cultivates his abilities, can withstand the shock of faults that approach, as it were, with so great a retinue.  Much harm is done by a single case of indulgence or greed; the familiar friend, if he be luxurious, weakens and softens us imperceptibly; the neighbour, if he be rich, rouses our covetousness; the companion, if he be slanderous, rubs off some of his rust upon us, even though we be spotless and sincere.  What then do you think the effect will be on character, when the world at large assaults it!  You must either imitate or loathe the world.

But both courses are to be avoided; you should not copy the bad simply because they are many, nor should you hate the many because they are unlike you.  Withdraw into yourself, as far as you can, Associate with those who will make a better man of you.  Welcome those whom you yourself can improve. The process is mutual; for men learn while they teach.  There is no reason why pride in advertising your abilities should lure you into publicity, so that you should desire to recite or harangue before the general public. Of course I should be willing for you to do so if you had a stock-in-trade that suited such a mob; as it is, there is not a man of them who can understand you.  One or two individuals will perhaps come in your way, but even these will have to be molded and trained by you so that they will understand you.  You may say: “For what purpose did I learn all these things?” But you need not fear that you have wasted your efforts; it was for yourself that you learned them.

In order, however, that I may not today have learned exclusively for myself, I shall share with you three excellent sayings, of the same general purport, which have come to my attention. This letter will give you one of them as payment of my debt; the other two you may accept as a contribution in advance.  Democritus says: “One man means as much to me as a multitude, and a multitude only as much as one man.” The following also was nobly spoken by someone or other, for it is doubtful who the author was; they asked him what was the object of all this study applied to an art that would reach but very few.  He replied: “I am content with few, content with one, content with none at all.”
Written to one of the partners of his studies: “I write this not for the many, but for you; each of us is enough of an audience for the other.” Lay these words to heart, Lucilius, that you may scorn the pleasure which comes from the applause of the majority.  Many men praise you; but have you any reason for being pleased with yourself, if you are a person whom the many can understand?  Your good qualities should face inwards. 

Farewell.

Dealing with People: 3 Things to Remember

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“In one respect man is the nearest thing to me, so far as I must do good to men and endure them. But so far as some men make themselves obstacles to my proper acts, man becomes to me one of the things which are indifferent, no less than the sun or wind or a wild beast.”  Marcus Aurelius

“I will respect the dignity of all, but measure the character of each.” –from My Creed

People can be difficult to deal with. Here are three facts of dealing with people:

Everyone Has a Different Belief Than You.

While many may be kind, helpful, courteous, and loving, they still will have different beliefs than you.  You may have a lot in common with someone, but eventually you will find something that you two will not agree upon.  You must decide which of these beliefs are unacceptable, and which you can accept.  For example, some people may believe that aborting a fetus is fine in the first trimester of a pregnancy, but not after.  You may disagree with this belief, and it may reveal something about the person’s character that you cannot tolerate, or you may disagree but think that this is a complex matter, or you may choose to convince the person that they may be in error in their belief.

Everyone Thinks a Little Differently Than You

From the day we are born, each of us has a developing brain.  When we learn something, connections are formed and memories are stored.  Here is the thing…each of us stores things differently.  For example, when you learned how to pronounce the letter “T” you stored it in a specific place in your brain, let’s call it neuron 4, located on the far left of your head.  Another person, who learned the same sound of the same letter “T” just like you did, stores it in neuron 84, located near the center of his head.  My point is that everyone literally thinks differently.  The pathways are unique in each and every one of us.  So, when you think that somebody thinks like they are from another planet, than that may be why.  They are recalling an idea, memory, or language differently than you.

It looks the same to the casual observer.

People Will Do Bad Things

All around you, every day there are people lying, cheating, and stealing.  You may have done one of these today.  Somewhere somebody is killing someone else.  Somewhere, right now, a salesman is outright lying about the value and quality of their product.   Somewhere, somebody is trying to steal your identity.  Some people dedicate their lives to doing bad things.  We would like to think that most people are doing what is right most of the time, but nearly everyone does something wrong at least some of the time.  The character of a person is the sum total of their actions, no?  The greater the ratio of bad actions to good actions, the less you would want to associate with such a person.  This ratio is never zero, but we all have to decide what ratio is intolerable.

These were handcrafted out of rare coconuts, really!

Important Things, Useless Things, and Beer

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NOTE:  There are several versions of this story.  After researching, I am reasonably confident that the author is unknown (if you think you’ve found one, let me know).  I’m sharing this version because of it’s humorous ending.  I find it delivers an important lesson in the “wisdom to know the difference” train of thought.

“A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty jar and proceeded to fill it with large stones. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of small pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the large stones. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. Although with less confidence, they agreed it was.

Full or not?

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.” The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now”, said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The large stones are the important things – your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions – things that, if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.  The sand is everything else – the small stuff.  If you put the sand into the jar first” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the large stones. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the rubbish. Take care of the large stones first, the things that really matter.  Set your priorities. The rest is just sand”.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.  The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that, no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers.”

There is always room for beer.

My thoughts on this in the next post…but first some “food” for thought (read the caption):

Isn’t there room for cookies, as well?

 


A Simply Awesome and Beautiful Passage from “The Meditations”

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Sit down. calmly take a few breaths and count to 10.  Now, are you relaxed?  Good!  This is indeed a great meditation.  It is Marcus Aurelius to himself from his “Meditations” Book 4 (I tried to make it less “Roman” while still preserving the beauty with some edits.  Let me know how I did, please):

“Do not waste the remainder of your life in thoughts about others, when you do not refer your thoughts to some object of common utility. For then, you lose the opportunity of doing something else more productive when you have these thoughts. “What is such a person doing and why?  What is he saying, and what is he thinking of, and what is he contriving?”  And whatever else of the kind makes us wander away from the observation of our own rational behavior.

We ought then to check our thoughts for everything that is without a purpose, but most of all the over-curious feeling malignant thoughts; and a man should use himself to think of those things only about which if one should suddenly ask, “What are you thinking about?”  With perfect openness you could, immediately answer, This or That; so that from your words it should be plain that everything in you is simple and benevolent, and such as befits a virtuous social being, and one that cares not for thoughts about pleasure or sensual enjoyments at all, nor has any rivalry or envy and suspicion, or anything else for which you would blush if you should say that you had it in your mind.

For the man who is such and no longer delays being among the number of the best, is like a priest and minister of the gods, using too the deity which is planted within him, which makes the man uncontaminated by pleasure, unharmed by any pain, untouched by any insult, feeling no wrong, a fighter in the noblest fight, one who cannot be overpowered by any passion, dyed deep with justice, accepting with all his soul everything which happens and is assigned to him as his portion; and not often, nor yet without great necessity and for the general interest, imagining what another says, or does, or thinks. For it is only what belongs to himself that he makes the matter for his activity; and he constantly thinks of that which is allotted to himself out of the sum total of things, and he makes his own acts fair, and he is persuaded that his own portion is good. For the lot which is assigned to each man is carried along with him and carries him along with it.

And he remembers also that every rational animal is his kinsman, and that to care for all men is according to man’s nature; and a man should hold on to the opinion not of all, but of those only who confessedly live according to nature. But as to those who do not live this way, he always bears in mind what kind of men they are both at home and from home, both by night and by day, and what they are, and with what men they live an impure life. Accordingly, he does not value at all the praise which comes from such men, since they are not even satisfied with themselves.”

As with all great passages, reading it again will reveal EVEN MORE.

Under My Control? The Wisdom to Know the Difference

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“…grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference…”  from the Serenity Prayer attributed to Reinhold Neibuhr

I’ve referred to the Serenity Prayer before in this previous post.  It’s the “wisdom to know the difference part,” that I want to reflect on today.  As a practicing Stoic, I know that there are many facets of my life that are not in my control.  But how do I know what is and what isn’t?

In his book, A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy, William B. Irvine says we have a trichotomy of control:  1) things we can control, 2) things we have partial control of, and 3) things we have no control over.  This is a great idea, it simplifies things.  In reality though, I see my life as a series of things that fall somewhere on a continuum of control.  For every aspect of our lives, there is a portion that we have control over, and a portion that we don’t.   For the sake of analogy, while Irvine pictures a 3-position switch, I tend to see a volume switch (a rheostat) that fate uses to adjust the “control level.”

A volume rheostat…more volume, more control?

There is a continuum of control in just about everything in my life.  Whether or not I will overeat for dinner tonight is completely under my command (unless I were held at gunpoint and told to overeat…still in my control, but less so).  In contrast, whether I will be able to afford a fancy dinner next year is partially in my control, but not completely.  I could unexpectedly lose my job, or inflation could take its toll and it would be too expensive.  Also, I might get really sick and have to make medical payments as well.  So many possibilities by then!  How much or how little I can change my destiny depends on an innumerable number of factors.  I don’t know where that volume switch of control will be next year, but I am certain it won’t be set at “completely mine.”  In any case, my entire day, my future, my end…are largely outside of my jurisdiction…much of it is indeed, fate.

This is great and all, but isn’t the key to serenity knowing what is and is not in your control, and how much?  Knowing this is not easy.  Not only does it require effort, but it requires quite a bit of intellect, no?

Which brings me to another point.  The amount of intellect we have to work with is completely out of our control; basically we are stuck with the brain we have.  However, the amount of effort we make to understand the nature of life…well, THAT is completely under our command.

So, the wisdom to know the difference between what we can and cannot change is two-fold.  Our natural intelligence is what we are stuck with, but our choice to exert effort on determining what we can change is ours to make completely.  There is an irony here:  even the “wisdom to know the difference” is both part in/part out of our control.

In any case, determining these things is very important to see things as they are, which I think is essential to living a virtuous life.  So regardless of the intellect I am given, gaining “the wisdom to know the difference” requires effort and time on my part.  I must take time to reflect on what is truly in my control, and I certainly will have to use the utmost of my reasoning abilities to decipher what I CAN control in my life, and what I must file under “acceptance.”  I see no better way to do this than to meditate and reflect on this frequently.