Tag Archives: understanding

How You Can be Happy Forever!

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“I search myself first, and then the world about me.”–Seneca

Seneca captures so much with these words.  Happiness is indeed a state of mind.  We expect our happiness to be affected by external factors, and it certainly can.  There is no denying that our environment affects our happiness.  Meeting someone new, being proposed to for marriage, getting a pay raise, getting together with friends and relatives can all make us very happy, at least for a while.  How about these:  a successful business venture, getting a new job, completing a project, even winning the lottery?  All of these things can affect our view on life and our happiness, too.  However, I repeat, none of them bring permanent contentment.  That kind of happiness requires introspection, continuous mindfulness and effort.

If only you could meet her, you would be happy.

If only you could meet her, you would be happy.(Photo by Belovodchenko Anton)

Certainly we can enjoy the external joys in life, but just like saving for a rainy day we should realize that all of these external things are ephemeral.  Their happiness effect will fade eventually.  It is during these times of joy that we should build our happiness capital.  The perspective that the reflective, philosophical life gives us can help us build this capital.  In the end, happiness is an internal function.  We choose to be happy or not.

This is very important because not only do those external happiness drivers not always exist, but in fact there will also be many external things that make us unhappy.  Do I need to list them?  Take all of the things I mentioned above and reverse them.  Here we go: losing an old friend, getting a divorce, taking a pay cut, missing your friends and relatives, a failed business venture, being fired, failing to complete a project.  Finally, you may have your heart set on winning the lottery, and never win a dime.  You could even win and then be poisoned! (click for full story)

Poison!

Poison!

Your philosophy is your happiness shock absorber.  Your perspective, your equanimity is yours to control.  Look within for change, and look within for answers.  Seneca is right!

Duality: Either/Or vs. The Spectrum

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WARNING:  This post will take you down a very deep rabbit hole if you let it…good luck.

The duality of everything is going to drive me insane, I think.  I yearn for independence and yet need thousands around me to survive.  I want eternal happiness, yet feel down or depressed for no reason.  I strive to be a man of virtue, yet notice some of my actions are inconsistent with right versus wrong.

I’ve really been noticing the contradiction all around me.  It really is everywhere.  It is everywhere and unavoidable.  AND, like I said, my noticing it lately has been driving me crazy.  It is like watching an existential tennis match, when you hate tennis!

  • happy/sad
  • life/death
  • practical/idealistic
  • sleep/awake
  • materialistic/spiritual
  • money is everything/money is nothing
  • individuality/non-self
  • meaning/emptiness
  • purpose/futility
  • good/evil
  • knowledge/ignorance

I think the insanity begins when you start thinking of all these “opposites” as distinct either/or poles.  Either life has purpose or it is futile, either I am happy or I am sad, etc.  As soon as you start noticing these things, they pop up all around you, they come at you from everywhere…like that tennis match, or maybe it’s like two opposing walls closing inward on you with ever greater compression (think of the Star Wars trash compactor scene).  My personal frustration begins when I try to figure it out.  What does it all mean?  Is their purpose in life or is it futile?  Are we inherently evil or good?  Should I reach out to change my world or recede into myself?  Should I be happy with what I have, or should I strive for more?

So, this is where I try to break the paradigm, changing that either/or view to one of seeing suchness, one that sees that there is no either/or.  What is the answer to those questions I posed above?  When I reflect, meditate and breathe, I see the answer is yes and no, all at once.  It might be helpful to combine the answer to “yes&no.”   Is life meaningless? yes&no. Does life have purpose?  yes&no.  Should I strive to attain more wealth, or should I be happy with what I have? yes&no.  A “Yes&No” view acknowledges that there is a spectrum of non-answers rather than either/or.  It also acknowledges that I may be wrong about my own view, that clinging to an answer I KNOW is true, may not be correct.  This view is something you can study about, but it must be experienced to truly attain it.

Are there absolutes or not?  We want there to be, don’t we?  We are comfortable when we cling to our “answers.”  From a practical standpoint, we decide yes or no all the time.  Should I steal this candy bar? No.  Is that the right thing to do? Yes.  However, when it comes to our place in all of existence, these answers are approximations for truth.  What if we ask even more questions about our candy bar problem?  Who is selling the candy bar?  What are they doing with the profits?  What is in the candy bar?  Is it hurting people?  Isn’t that their choice?  Is my neighbor starving?  Am I starving?

My point here is not to convince myself that stealing a candy bar might be the right thing to do (although, I suppose given the right conditions, it might).  My point is to illustrate that even with the simplest of either/or questions, there is a spectrum that goes unnoticed by us.  We create the either/or world to try and simplify our existence, but it is not reality.  If too much of this reality seeps through into our view without the right context, it can drive us mad.

That may very well be where the Buddhist concept of right view comes in.  To see reality and thrive, we must have context; a large sea of understanding that helps us see where we fit.  When I have a right view, I can see that there is a Middle Way.  I know that there are guides to right and wrong, but I understand that these guides are dependent on context, and that all of existence is very complicated.

If I point to the grain of sand, I would be both right and wrong.

If I try to point to the grain of sand, I would be both right and wrong.

What I think I am trying to emphasize is that our understanding is almost always incomplete.  The appearance of opposites is an illusion.  We must always (yes, I said always) make our decisions with incomplete information.  We do not know everything about anything, and we know very little about most things.  So, when we make our life decisions we can take heart in the fact that we are doing the best we can with the given information.  It seems that it is best when we avoid the opposite poles and favor the middle way.

…and hopefully avoid insanity.

“…what makes [the noble truths] noble truths is precisely that they are actual, undeviating, invariable (tatha, avitatha, anannatha). It is the failure to face the actuality of these truths that has caused us to wander for so long through the long course of samsara. It is by penetrating these truths exactly as they are that one can reach the true consummation of the spiritual quest: making an end to suffering.”

Taken from “Dhamma and Non-duality”, by Bhikkhu Bodhi. Access to Insight, 4 April 2011, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/bodhi/bps-essay_27.html . Retrieved on 2 January 2013.

 

My Meditation on Dukkha (…a special kind of “dissatisfaction”)

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I am about to turn 43.  Looking at that age written down, it looks like an old age.  It’s not elderly, but it’s old.  I always wanted to be 40.  It’s the age where you’re still young enough to do things, most people have their health, but very few consider you a “kid.”  You get respect at 40, while the degeneration process of the body and mind has not quite kicked in.  40 was my goal age.

The problem is that you don’t just get to stop at 40.  Honestly, the 3 years since I turned 40 have flown by like an instant.  The tick-tick-tick of time keeps moving.  In many ways, my life is about like I expected it to be now.  In other ways, it is completely off.  I thought there would be satisfaction in being in my 40’s.  Instead, there is a background of disappointment.  The millions that weren’t made (or at least 10’s of thousands) despite the hard work, the places I haven’t visited, the children who are leaving to live their own lives….I want them to be little again.  Where did the time go?  In short, just like happens to many of us who keep saying “if only i were XXX, then I’ll be happy” or “if only had, XXX then I will slow down,” and then we finally get there, I am on to the next bit of grasping for more.  We never really get there when we grasp for more…Dukkha.  Dukkha is that dissatisfaction that you will always feel when you grasp at this reality, when you expect fulfillment from things of this world.  You can never gain permanent satisfaction in this reality.

This background of dissatisfaction, I’ve felt this way before.  It is the type of feeling that rushes in and makes me ask, “Is this all there is?”  I started getting these feelings in my mid-20s; I think it was when the testosterone of teenage life wore off.  In my 20’s, I had alcohol that confused the matter…lots of alcohol.  All the while, I searched for truth.  I found the teachings of the Buddha, and read about Dukkha.  Buddhism recommended a drug-free existence.  When I was 31, I decided that I could see things more clearly without alcohol.  So, I stopped drinking it.

Without alcohol, I could see more clearly.

Without alcohol, I could see more clearly.

It was at that point that understanding came much faster.  My motivation was much better, and my energy returned.  I could see things clearer.  Success in life began to accelerate; and I kept learning.

But that feeling kept returning, more powerful each time.  As I tried to anchor myself in this world, it became less rational.  Empty.  There is no meaning in this perceived reality.  It is emptiness.

As I age, it can be gut-wrenching.  The dissatisfaction!  Dukkha.  I think as I age, the impermanence of existence is more obvious.  I used to play the “I wonder what I’ll be doing in ten years” game.  I don’t like to play that game anymore…53 is not an age I am in a rush to attain, nor do I wish for my children to each be 10 years older, and certainly not my parents.  I can accept it, but I can wait for it…patiently.  No hurry to speed through 10 years.

Dukkha indeed.   Grasping at this life as if it were going to last forever.   All that I see around me will be gone one day.  All that I feel, all that I’ve worked for will be gone.  All that I intend to work for in the next 10, 20, 30 years will eventually be gone.  In 30 years I will be 73…if I make it to that age.

One of my goals...aging gracefully.

One of my goals…aging gracefully. (www.loosha.nl – ginny@loosha.nl)

When I slow down, breathe, and enjoy my existence now.  When I read, write, reflect and feel, when I am present in the moment, the dissatisfaction fades.  Writing, for me, is my meditation, and it is one of those times I feel most alive.  It is my craft and it completes me.  I think we all have one or more of those things we do that bring us back to the present moment.

When we are present in the moment, we are not grasping, and we find the end of dissatisfaction, and if we are sages we can escape Dukkha.

Some Equanimity by the Numbers

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Here are some thoughts and random numbers I will throw around.  Hopefully this will give you some perspective on your reality.  I recently read that it is estimated that there are 200 billion stars in the Milky Way galaxy (that’s 200,000,000,000).  Each cell in the human body contains 20 trillion (20,000,000,000,000) atoms.  Moreover, you are composed of about 100 trillion cells.  So if you do the math, which you might be a little intimidated by, you end up with 2 x 1027 atoms that compose your body (That’s 2 followed by 27 zeros).

It's a big universe!

It’s a big universe!

Impressive numbers, no?  What if you could travel 2 x 1027 miles in space?  Where would that get you?  Well, 1 light-year is 5.9 × 1012 miles, and a reasonable estimate is that our universe is probably bigger than 40 billion light-years..  This means that the edge of the universe is 7.7 x 1025 miles away.  If you wanted to travel as many miles as there are atoms in your body, you just might reach the edge of the universe…maybe further, if there is anything beyond it.

Of course if you could travel at the speed of light (which you couldn’t) it would take you 40 billion years, so you’d probably run out of time.  By comparison, if 40 billion years were considered one year, your life span of 70 years would be 0.05 seconds of that year.

So just how small are atoms?  Click on the atom below to find out:

Atom

Click on the atom and see just how small it is.

I hope this gives you some perspective!

Oh, and somebody check my math…thanks.

On Tragedy, Death and Evil…a Stoic’s View

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“Never say of anything, ‘I have lost it’; but, ‘I have returned it.’ Is your child dead? It is returned. Is your wife dead? She is returned. Is your estate taken away? Well, and is not that likewise? ‘But he who took it away is a bad man.’ What difference is it to you who the giver assigns to take it back? While he gives it to you to possess, take care of it; but don’t view it as your own, just as travelers view a hotel.” –Epictetus

One cannot help but read the headlines and hear of tragic events all around us.  Most recently, in the U.S. State of Connecticut, a very unstable young man of 20 chose to randomly shoot anyone he could in an elementary school.  He cared not that his victims were young and innocent, or who they were.  In the end, 20 young children and 8 adults were killed in a matter of minutes, including the shooter.  28 sentient beings have been “returned.”  For 20 of them, their time here was a short one.

Unfortunately, what happened in Connecticut is not unique.  While I would be hesitant to say that mass murder is a common occurrence, we would be remiss if we didn’t acknowledge that its existence parallels that of all of humanity’s time on earth.  It is difficult to understand for the large majority of peace-loving and life-respecting individuals, why such things happen.  Some mass-murderers are evil, others are delusional.  Still others, like Genghis Khan below (AD 1162-1227), even think they are justified by some purpose, but for the victims the result is the same.

Ghengis Kahn: figures estimate he killed up to 40 million. Public Domain photo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:YuanEmperorAlbumGenghisPortrait.jpg

Genghis Khan: figures estimate he killed up to 40 million. (Public Domain photo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:YuanEmperorAlbumGenghisPortrait.jpg)

Because such things do happen, and probably always will, I must acknowledge this:  It can happen.  It can happen to you, your children, or your spouse.  It can happen today.  It may happen 15 seconds from now.

Which brings me to one (although there could be many others) very important point about what we can learn from such an event:  The existence of all is temporary.  The existence of your children, your parents, friends, spouse, and you.  All temporary!  Acknowledging this should not be depressing.  Rather, it should motivate you to cherish every moment with them.  Appreciate them now, not when they are gone.

But to drive home this point, I will share an observation I had about what I saw on social media yesterday about the Connecticut shootings.  Over and over, I read things like, “I am going to hug my little ones a little tighter tonight,” “my child had a drill about this very thing at school, it made me cry,” or “With everything that happened today, we are having a family night. It’s all I could think about as the day progressed. I just want my kids close.”  Furthermore, I personally couldn’t help but picture my own grief had I lost my child in such a tragedy.  I think we all tend to do this.  We project a tragedy into our own life.  This is not a bad thing; it is how we empathize with others.  Should we really need a reminder, though?

You do not expect that this will be the last time you see your child.

You do not expect that this will be the last time you see your child.

Our goal then, is to understand that those we love in our lives are not ours.  Even our own lives, in the end, are not ours.  Every moment we spend is on loan, and the lease will expire at some point.  We don’t know when, where or how, but it will end for all.  This existence is borrowed.  The sage of virtue knows this at all times…few of us are sages, but that is what we strive for.  When I acknowledge the impermanence of all, then I relish every moment with those I love, and indeed I carefully examine how I spend my own time.

So, hug your loved ones a little tighter EVERY night, and try not to be reminded only when tragedy jolts you into awareness.  That is the philosopher’s goal.