Living in Moderation

Posted on October 14, 2012 by Chris

I may one day have to live with nothing…or at least almost nothing. I may want for food someday, I may miss my loved ones someday, because of separation or death. I often imagine my life without some of the good things that I enjoy now. I even make an effort to deprive myself of things “on purpose” (most notably food, sweets) to more fully appreciate them.

Is this enough?

However, I see no reason why I should live a deprived life, and I see no reason why it would make me more enlightened. I strive a to live a simple life, but I do enjoy some things that aren’t simple. Further, I see no reason to live the life of a monk or an ascetic. An ascetic deprives himself of things like food, water, clothes, etc., thinking that by not having worldly wants, then he will be closer to enlightenment, God, the oneness of the universe, etc.

Is this aescetic taking the easy way out?

Beyond a certain level, it seems that having more stuff doesn’t seem to make anyone more or less happy. OK, the studies are conflicting: click here.

In any case, it is the desire for stuff, I think, that gets us into happiness deficit. If my life revolves around getting more stuff, then I think that is when I would be disappointed, regardless of how much stuff I have. The trick is, how much is too much? I think ascetics try to make it black and white: All stuff leads to unhappiness! I think this is a cop out. Real life requires judgment of what is and is not moderation.

DON’T FORGET TO READ PART 2

You are completely in control of your life…and no one else’s!

Posted on September 22, 2012 by Chris

In my frantic preparations to produce content this morning I was frenetically reading through some of my favorite writings of philosophy and inspiration. Finally, I came upon Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People.

I just want you all to know that I LOVE this book. In dealing with people, I have found no better guide. I have read it twice fully and have reviewed the principles so many times, I could not even begin to guess the number. Chapter 1, “Don’t Kick Over the Beehive,” tells us how ineffective criticism and condemnation is. Essentially, we don’t respond well to it. So, that got me thinking.

Why is criticism so ineffective? I will say that my answer is that I don’t respond to it, because I am unwilling to change simply because someone else wants me to. For me to change the way I think about things, it must be my idea. “Nobody’s gonna tell me what to do!” Nobody’s gonna tell me what I should do! That decision is up to me. If it’s not my idea, I don’t respond very well.

Don’t tell me what to do! Don’t tell ME I’m wrong!

So, try and ask yourself this question (even if someone else may have brought it to your attention): If this is the way I should live, why am I not living this way?

For example, I’ve realized that I don’t spend enough quality time with my kids. I’ve examined why this is so: I work, I am tired, they are boring, I don’t like what they like, they are busy, etc. In the end, however, my values tell me that I should spend time with my kids as a father, teaching them what I know, playing with them more, etc. Somebody can tell me, “You work too much, and your kids need you,” but I am the only one who can change the situation. So in order to change this I must commit: from now on, I will spend more time with my kids. Even better, I can be more specific:

I will spend 45 minutes every day learning Spanish with my kids (which, in fact I now do).
When my children are speaking to me, I will stop what I am doing and listen, or I will politely tell them, “come back to me in XX minutes when I finish this, OK?” (this one is definitely a challenge for me).

My point today, is not that we should avoid criticizing others (which we probably should), or that we should increase the time we spend teaching our children (which we definitely should). My point is this (repeat it to yourself if you wish):

If I know I should be living my life a certain way, only I can make that choice to do so.
If this is what I should do, then I must do it.

Winning the Competition – On Being Your Own NFL Champ (or the next American Idol)!

Posted on September 16, 2012 by Chris

Let’s face it, life is a great competition. Most of us thrive on it. Why else would NFL football, America’s Got Talent, American Idol or any of these reality TV shows like Big Brother or Survivor be so popular (my quick survey shows that 13 of 30 prime time shows on CBS have to do with some type of competition/winning)? The releases of new game consoles like the upcoming Wii U, Xbox 720 and PlayStation 4 are always big news and they are hot commodities. Why? They allow us to compete against cyber opponents and others. Our desire to compete and win fuels the marketplace!

We love to watch, participate, and win competitions! If we can’t win, we pick a pony like our favorite NFL team or player (RG III) or American Idol star and they win for us. If we can’t kick a football, or run a 4.9 40-yard dash, we might pick up a game console, and compete against our friends or maybe even some unknown rival over the internet.

Competition is healthy. It motivates us to be better, but it can be discouraging. Why? Because so much of what is involved in competitions is out of our control. We can’t control the quality of our opponent…they might actually be better, or they might just be having the “game of their life.” In team sports, we can’t control the actions of our teammates. On top of all of that, are external factors like weather, wind, a bad controller (on that Wii U you’re going to buy). Sometimes, you just have plain dumb luck, like a bad bounce or an untied shoe.

In real life, our competition may involve our standard of living, or the future for our family. If we perform our job better than others, we hope that we will get a raise, a promotion, a sale, etc. Of course, that does require that somebody actually notice our excellence. There certainly are ways to get noticed, but much of that is indeed out of our control…just like in friendly competition. It really is no different. The employee you are next to might be well-connected (or even the boss’ daughter). The boss might be watching right when you make the worst error you’ve had in months. That new product you are trying to sell just might not be what people want. These obstacles are all things to learn from, and improve upon…and maybe they make us work even harder.

The Boss’s Daughter!

So, if so much is out of my control, what am I to do? Here is what I try to do: I strive to produce the very best result I can under the conditions given. My goal is to be the very best I can be. When I am not doing so, I know it. In essence, I determine whether I’ve succeeded in everything I do. I am my own judge and jury, and if I honestly examine my inner self, there is no cheating. At the end of the day, I must look myself in the mirror and judge my actions.

Ha, I just snuck in some Stoicism 101…and you thought it was about football or that silly America’s Got Talent show, hee hee!

What if You Lost Everything?

Posted on September 14, 2012 by Chris

I recently finished “A Man in Full” by Tom Wolfe. It is a great, long novel for a Heroic Stoic to read. One of the great questions that are posed to the reader of this book is, “What if you lost everything?” What if you lost all of your possessions, your family, your health, your reputation, or any combination of these? I think it is healthy to mentally prepare for the possibility.

Try imagining your life without any of these things: 1) everything you own 2) your spouse or children 3) or your ability to walk, see, hear, etc.

Try actually depriving yourself, maybe even for a day, of something you take for granted: 1) shoes 2) air conditioning 3) electricity 4) solid food.

These practices will help you in a time when maybe you might need to deal with similar situations, a situation that is not so severe, AND it will help you appreciate those things that you have.

What if you were a pan-handler on the street, would it be as bad as you think?

“Never in any case say I have lost such a thing, but I have returned it. Is your child dead? It is a return. Is your wife dead? It is a return. Are you deprived of your estate? Is not this also a return?” – Epictetus

Tactical Optimism and Strategic Pessimism

Posted on September 12, 2012 by Chris

I was listening to the Morning in America radio show several years ago, and Bill Bennett, the host said something like this: “I am a tactical optimist, and a strategic pessimist. We are all ashes in the end, but we wake up each morning and figure out how to move the ball each day.”

This is a profound and rich quote, full of allusions to sport, religion, and military maneuver, not to mention a little Stoic wisdom (most likely by accident…not sure Dr. Bennett is a Stoic).

In essence, this phrase captures how a Heroic Stoic would live. Yes, in the end tragedy will befall us, including our own and everyone else’s death, but that does not mean we shouldn’t serve, build, and create anyway.

Tactical Optimism for the Long Trip Ahead – I’m confident I can make it to that next tree. After that, more trees!

The Stoic knows that nothing lasts forever, and that much is out of her control. However, she continues on and works on those things that she can control. Moreover, to be a hero she would indeed contribute for the sake of her own excellence, for the very sake of accomplishing the task. For those who wish to take advantage of her productive endeavors, she will willingly engage in trade with them.

Right now, millions of people are currently grasping for more, or wallowing in self-pity, or even thinking that they deserve something from “the man,” from life, or from those who have the ability to help them. Many others are happy with the illusion that tragedy will somehow miss them. Many have never heard of the Stoics, and others might not agree with the individual-centered philosophy of Ayn Rand. It is my view that this will probably remain the case; neither Stoic philosophy nor individualism seem to be anywhere close to be being described as “en vogue.” It is the default position of human nature to ignore the suffering around us rather than face it head-on. Moreover, it is a very common trait of humans to attribute one’s station in life as the fault of another, or of society in general. In the end, the great majority will never embrace a Heroic Stoic lifestyle, no matter what I do, write, or say.

Strategic Pessimism – Those trees will be ashes soon enough.

Despite all of this, I write about these topics. I believe in the power of Heroic Stoicism, and hopefully I can move the ball forward just a little today, tomorrow, and every day. Even though most of YOU out there will not truly embrace what I say, I write about what I believe, because I think it will HELP YOU.

That’s because I am a tactical optimist, despite the fact that I am a strategic pessimist.