Tag Archives: meditation

Duality: Either/Or vs. The Spectrum

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WARNING:  This post will take you down a very deep rabbit hole if you let it…good luck.

The duality of everything is going to drive me insane, I think.  I yearn for independence and yet need thousands around me to survive.  I want eternal happiness, yet feel down or depressed for no reason.  I strive to be a man of virtue, yet notice some of my actions are inconsistent with right versus wrong.

I’ve really been noticing the contradiction all around me.  It really is everywhere.  It is everywhere and unavoidable.  AND, like I said, my noticing it lately has been driving me crazy.  It is like watching an existential tennis match, when you hate tennis!

  • happy/sad
  • life/death
  • practical/idealistic
  • sleep/awake
  • materialistic/spiritual
  • money is everything/money is nothing
  • individuality/non-self
  • meaning/emptiness
  • purpose/futility
  • good/evil
  • knowledge/ignorance

I think the insanity begins when you start thinking of all these “opposites” as distinct either/or poles.  Either life has purpose or it is futile, either I am happy or I am sad, etc.  As soon as you start noticing these things, they pop up all around you, they come at you from everywhere…like that tennis match, or maybe it’s like two opposing walls closing inward on you with ever greater compression (think of the Star Wars trash compactor scene).  My personal frustration begins when I try to figure it out.  What does it all mean?  Is their purpose in life or is it futile?  Are we inherently evil or good?  Should I reach out to change my world or recede into myself?  Should I be happy with what I have, or should I strive for more?

So, this is where I try to break the paradigm, changing that either/or view to one of seeing suchness, one that sees that there is no either/or.  What is the answer to those questions I posed above?  When I reflect, meditate and breathe, I see the answer is yes and no, all at once.  It might be helpful to combine the answer to “yes&no.”   Is life meaningless? yes&no. Does life have purpose?  yes&no.  Should I strive to attain more wealth, or should I be happy with what I have? yes&no.  A “Yes&No” view acknowledges that there is a spectrum of non-answers rather than either/or.  It also acknowledges that I may be wrong about my own view, that clinging to an answer I KNOW is true, may not be correct.  This view is something you can study about, but it must be experienced to truly attain it.

Are there absolutes or not?  We want there to be, don’t we?  We are comfortable when we cling to our “answers.”  From a practical standpoint, we decide yes or no all the time.  Should I steal this candy bar? No.  Is that the right thing to do? Yes.  However, when it comes to our place in all of existence, these answers are approximations for truth.  What if we ask even more questions about our candy bar problem?  Who is selling the candy bar?  What are they doing with the profits?  What is in the candy bar?  Is it hurting people?  Isn’t that their choice?  Is my neighbor starving?  Am I starving?

My point here is not to convince myself that stealing a candy bar might be the right thing to do (although, I suppose given the right conditions, it might).  My point is to illustrate that even with the simplest of either/or questions, there is a spectrum that goes unnoticed by us.  We create the either/or world to try and simplify our existence, but it is not reality.  If too much of this reality seeps through into our view without the right context, it can drive us mad.

That may very well be where the Buddhist concept of right view comes in.  To see reality and thrive, we must have context; a large sea of understanding that helps us see where we fit.  When I have a right view, I can see that there is a Middle Way.  I know that there are guides to right and wrong, but I understand that these guides are dependent on context, and that all of existence is very complicated.

If I point to the grain of sand, I would be both right and wrong.

If I try to point to the grain of sand, I would be both right and wrong.

What I think I am trying to emphasize is that our understanding is almost always incomplete.  The appearance of opposites is an illusion.  We must always (yes, I said always) make our decisions with incomplete information.  We do not know everything about anything, and we know very little about most things.  So, when we make our life decisions we can take heart in the fact that we are doing the best we can with the given information.  It seems that it is best when we avoid the opposite poles and favor the middle way.

…and hopefully avoid insanity.

“…what makes [the noble truths] noble truths is precisely that they are actual, undeviating, invariable (tatha, avitatha, anannatha). It is the failure to face the actuality of these truths that has caused us to wander for so long through the long course of samsara. It is by penetrating these truths exactly as they are that one can reach the true consummation of the spiritual quest: making an end to suffering.”

Taken from “Dhamma and Non-duality”, by Bhikkhu Bodhi. Access to Insight, 4 April 2011, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/bodhi/bps-essay_27.html . Retrieved on 2 January 2013.

 

My Meditation on Dukkha (…a special kind of “dissatisfaction”)

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I am about to turn 43.  Looking at that age written down, it looks like an old age.  It’s not elderly, but it’s old.  I always wanted to be 40.  It’s the age where you’re still young enough to do things, most people have their health, but very few consider you a “kid.”  You get respect at 40, while the degeneration process of the body and mind has not quite kicked in.  40 was my goal age.

The problem is that you don’t just get to stop at 40.  Honestly, the 3 years since I turned 40 have flown by like an instant.  The tick-tick-tick of time keeps moving.  In many ways, my life is about like I expected it to be now.  In other ways, it is completely off.  I thought there would be satisfaction in being in my 40’s.  Instead, there is a background of disappointment.  The millions that weren’t made (or at least 10’s of thousands) despite the hard work, the places I haven’t visited, the children who are leaving to live their own lives….I want them to be little again.  Where did the time go?  In short, just like happens to many of us who keep saying “if only i were XXX, then I’ll be happy” or “if only had, XXX then I will slow down,” and then we finally get there, I am on to the next bit of grasping for more.  We never really get there when we grasp for more…Dukkha.  Dukkha is that dissatisfaction that you will always feel when you grasp at this reality, when you expect fulfillment from things of this world.  You can never gain permanent satisfaction in this reality.

This background of dissatisfaction, I’ve felt this way before.  It is the type of feeling that rushes in and makes me ask, “Is this all there is?”  I started getting these feelings in my mid-20s; I think it was when the testosterone of teenage life wore off.  In my 20’s, I had alcohol that confused the matter…lots of alcohol.  All the while, I searched for truth.  I found the teachings of the Buddha, and read about Dukkha.  Buddhism recommended a drug-free existence.  When I was 31, I decided that I could see things more clearly without alcohol.  So, I stopped drinking it.

Without alcohol, I could see more clearly.

Without alcohol, I could see more clearly.

It was at that point that understanding came much faster.  My motivation was much better, and my energy returned.  I could see things clearer.  Success in life began to accelerate; and I kept learning.

But that feeling kept returning, more powerful each time.  As I tried to anchor myself in this world, it became less rational.  Empty.  There is no meaning in this perceived reality.  It is emptiness.

As I age, it can be gut-wrenching.  The dissatisfaction!  Dukkha.  I think as I age, the impermanence of existence is more obvious.  I used to play the “I wonder what I’ll be doing in ten years” game.  I don’t like to play that game anymore…53 is not an age I am in a rush to attain, nor do I wish for my children to each be 10 years older, and certainly not my parents.  I can accept it, but I can wait for it…patiently.  No hurry to speed through 10 years.

Dukkha indeed.   Grasping at this life as if it were going to last forever.   All that I see around me will be gone one day.  All that I feel, all that I’ve worked for will be gone.  All that I intend to work for in the next 10, 20, 30 years will eventually be gone.  In 30 years I will be 73…if I make it to that age.

One of my goals...aging gracefully.

One of my goals…aging gracefully. (www.loosha.nl – ginny@loosha.nl)

When I slow down, breathe, and enjoy my existence now.  When I read, write, reflect and feel, when I am present in the moment, the dissatisfaction fades.  Writing, for me, is my meditation, and it is one of those times I feel most alive.  It is my craft and it completes me.  I think we all have one or more of those things we do that bring us back to the present moment.

When we are present in the moment, we are not grasping, and we find the end of dissatisfaction, and if we are sages we can escape Dukkha.

You Can Take a Staycation with only 5 Minutes…and its Free!

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“Men seek retreats for themselves, houses in the country, sea-shores, and mountains; and thou too art wont to desire such things very much. But this is altogether a mark of the most common sort of men, for it is in thy power whenever thou shalt choose to retire into thyself. For nowhere either with more quiet or more freedom from trouble does a man retire than into his own soul, particularly when he has within him such thoughts that by looking into them he is immediately in perfect tranquility.”–Marcus Aurelius

People spend a lot of money and time so they can get away on splendid vacations.  They dream of places like Hawaii, Bermuda, St. Thomas, or maybe a get-away to Europe or Disney World!  Why do they do this?  I think everybody needs a little time to recharge the batteries, to gain a little clarity or put it all into perspective.  Also, I think that the stories we collect from our “get-aways” can last us a lifetime.

For the most part, though, all of the benefit of a vacation is available to you right now.  All you have to do is accept that it is all a game.  It is all impermanent.  Why are you chasing what you are chasing?  To have luxury? So your kids will have riches or security?  Will it help them?  You might be unemployed, so you are stressed about that.  You might have absolutely nothing.  Most of you reading this have at least some level of subsistence, though.  If you are reading this, at least you are alive, which is something for sure.  Even those with some major struggles, have a little time for a vacation, even one for 5 minutes.

You can get away right now.  Retire in your mind, and be grateful for all you have…for your life, your surviving family, the meal you will eat today.  Take a nap, watch a show, read a book, watch a TV movie with the family.  If only for a few minutes you can get away.  Maybe simply to reflect on what is virtuous, or on the impermanence of existence.

Is this guy on a Staycation? (photo by Kimberly Vohsen)

As for vacation stories, your everyday life is full of them.  Especially the small misfortune stories!  These are the blessings.  Like the time you backed into a pole, or your wife hit the side of the garage.  What about the morning you put your shirt on inside-out or backwards?  Yesterday, my daughter came down dressed in green-striped pants, with a pink and yellow checkered shirt.  Now that’s a story!  I collect vacations five minutes at a time.

I don’t think I could pull this look off.

In the end, you will be gone.  Don’t let this frighten you, just know that what you are after, what you are stressing over might not be that important.  Even if it is, you can take a break from it.

You can take your “Staycation.”

A Simply Awesome and Beautiful Passage from “The Meditations”

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Sit down. calmly take a few breaths and count to 10.  Now, are you relaxed?  Good!  This is indeed a great meditation.  It is Marcus Aurelius to himself from his “Meditations” Book 4 (I tried to make it less “Roman” while still preserving the beauty with some edits.  Let me know how I did, please):

“Do not waste the remainder of your life in thoughts about others, when you do not refer your thoughts to some object of common utility. For then, you lose the opportunity of doing something else more productive when you have these thoughts. “What is such a person doing and why?  What is he saying, and what is he thinking of, and what is he contriving?”  And whatever else of the kind makes us wander away from the observation of our own rational behavior.

We ought then to check our thoughts for everything that is without a purpose, but most of all the over-curious feeling malignant thoughts; and a man should use himself to think of those things only about which if one should suddenly ask, “What are you thinking about?”  With perfect openness you could, immediately answer, This or That; so that from your words it should be plain that everything in you is simple and benevolent, and such as befits a virtuous social being, and one that cares not for thoughts about pleasure or sensual enjoyments at all, nor has any rivalry or envy and suspicion, or anything else for which you would blush if you should say that you had it in your mind.

For the man who is such and no longer delays being among the number of the best, is like a priest and minister of the gods, using too the deity which is planted within him, which makes the man uncontaminated by pleasure, unharmed by any pain, untouched by any insult, feeling no wrong, a fighter in the noblest fight, one who cannot be overpowered by any passion, dyed deep with justice, accepting with all his soul everything which happens and is assigned to him as his portion; and not often, nor yet without great necessity and for the general interest, imagining what another says, or does, or thinks. For it is only what belongs to himself that he makes the matter for his activity; and he constantly thinks of that which is allotted to himself out of the sum total of things, and he makes his own acts fair, and he is persuaded that his own portion is good. For the lot which is assigned to each man is carried along with him and carries him along with it.

And he remembers also that every rational animal is his kinsman, and that to care for all men is according to man’s nature; and a man should hold on to the opinion not of all, but of those only who confessedly live according to nature. But as to those who do not live this way, he always bears in mind what kind of men they are both at home and from home, both by night and by day, and what they are, and with what men they live an impure life. Accordingly, he does not value at all the praise which comes from such men, since they are not even satisfied with themselves.”

As with all great passages, reading it again will reveal EVEN MORE.

Under My Control? The Wisdom to Know the Difference

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“…grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference…”  from the Serenity Prayer attributed to Reinhold Neibuhr

I’ve referred to the Serenity Prayer before in this previous post.  It’s the “wisdom to know the difference part,” that I want to reflect on today.  As a practicing Stoic, I know that there are many facets of my life that are not in my control.  But how do I know what is and what isn’t?

In his book, A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy, William B. Irvine says we have a trichotomy of control:  1) things we can control, 2) things we have partial control of, and 3) things we have no control over.  This is a great idea, it simplifies things.  In reality though, I see my life as a series of things that fall somewhere on a continuum of control.  For every aspect of our lives, there is a portion that we have control over, and a portion that we don’t.   For the sake of analogy, while Irvine pictures a 3-position switch, I tend to see a volume switch (a rheostat) that fate uses to adjust the “control level.”

A volume rheostat…more volume, more control?

There is a continuum of control in just about everything in my life.  Whether or not I will overeat for dinner tonight is completely under my command (unless I were held at gunpoint and told to overeat…still in my control, but less so).  In contrast, whether I will be able to afford a fancy dinner next year is partially in my control, but not completely.  I could unexpectedly lose my job, or inflation could take its toll and it would be too expensive.  Also, I might get really sick and have to make medical payments as well.  So many possibilities by then!  How much or how little I can change my destiny depends on an innumerable number of factors.  I don’t know where that volume switch of control will be next year, but I am certain it won’t be set at “completely mine.”  In any case, my entire day, my future, my end…are largely outside of my jurisdiction…much of it is indeed, fate.

This is great and all, but isn’t the key to serenity knowing what is and is not in your control, and how much?  Knowing this is not easy.  Not only does it require effort, but it requires quite a bit of intellect, no?

Which brings me to another point.  The amount of intellect we have to work with is completely out of our control; basically we are stuck with the brain we have.  However, the amount of effort we make to understand the nature of life…well, THAT is completely under our command.

So, the wisdom to know the difference between what we can and cannot change is two-fold.  Our natural intelligence is what we are stuck with, but our choice to exert effort on determining what we can change is ours to make completely.  There is an irony here:  even the “wisdom to know the difference” is both part in/part out of our control.

In any case, determining these things is very important to see things as they are, which I think is essential to living a virtuous life.  So regardless of the intellect I am given, gaining “the wisdom to know the difference” requires effort and time on my part.  I must take time to reflect on what is truly in my control, and I certainly will have to use the utmost of my reasoning abilities to decipher what I CAN control in my life, and what I must file under “acceptance.”  I see no better way to do this than to meditate and reflect on this frequently.