Anchor #3: Patience

Posted on November 7, 2012 by Chris

“Think of this doctrine – That reasoning beings were created for one another’s sake; That to be patient is a branch of justice; and that we often sin without intending it.”–Marcus Aurelius

“My terrors should be quieted, my irritations soothed, my illusions shaken off, my indulgences checked, my greed rebuked. And which of these cures can be brought about in a hurry?”–Seneca

Where can I find Patience?

The value of patience is best measured when I find out what happens when I don’t have it. Things take time, and often they will not go my way. When I am impatient, I create a tension within myself without anyone else’s help. In another words, my impatience makes things worse. This creates anger and other negative emotions, which in turn, impedes my ability to see things clearly. …to think rationally …to be happy.

I can be impatient with many things. Here are a few of them:

Progress of my career
My child’s development (in sports, school, maturity, etc.)
My parents’ stories
The agent at the help desk
The [lack of] performance of my computer
My house’s state of clutter or cleanliness
Someone else’s listening skills
My own listening skills

Regardless of what I am impatient of, I can refill my patience reservoir in this way. Start by gently breathing in and out. When I breathe in, I think “breathing in,” when I breathe out, I think “breathing out.” Now, after a few moments of slowing down and being aware of the breath, I can now think “patience” with each breath. Really think about the meaning, maybe apply it to each of those situations above. At the beginning of the day, I say “I will have patience with…” At the end of the day, I can ask, “Did I have patience with…?” Once I am satisfied, that my patience reservoir is full, I can move on with my day.

This activity requires quite a bit of…

How is your patience doing today? Are there better ways to nurture patience?

Anchor #2 Part Deux: Understanding and Root Cause Analysis

Posted on November 5, 2012 by Chris

Every once in a while, my worlds collide with each other. In this case, my philosophical world has met my work world. In my previous entry on understanding I wrote about how asking questions leads to better understanding. If you read the post, you know how I really like “why” questions.

This got me thinking about why questions and a technique that is used in business process improvement (sometimes called Six Sigma or Lean) called the “5 whys.” This technique is part of what is called root cause analysis. In other words, it is to understand a problem in a business or production process. Ah yes, understanding.

Essentially, this process starts out with the obvious problem and you keep asking why until you reach the root cause. For example:

Problem: My car won’t start

Why? – The battery is dead.
Why? – The alternator is not functioning.
Why? – The alternator belt has broken.
Why? – The alternator belt was well beyond its useful service life and not replaced.
Why? – My alternator belt was not replaced according to schedule.
Why? – I can’t order replacement parts because the car is too old.

Oops! Notice, there is a 6th Why! That’s right, there is no guarantee you’ll get to a root cause just because you use 5 whys. You might even get to a root cause sooner than 5. “5 Whys” is only a guide.

So now that I know the root cause, I can set about fixing it. Maybe I should get a new car, or maybe I can get someone to fabricate the proper belt, or maybe a different belt might work. Another benefit of finding a root cause, is that it keeps me from misunderstanding the problem, or blaming something else. For example, my car is not dead because my son left the headlights on.

So what about understanding in the philosophical sense. Well, how about this example?

Problem: My brother never calls me

Why? – He is very busy
Why? – He has been working 2 jobs and going to school
Why? – He’s trying to send his kids to private school
Why? – He wants them to get into good colleges so they can get good jobs
Why? – He wants them to make lots of money

OK, so did I get to a root cause? Maybe. Maybe I should call him to see how things are. Maybe he’s chasing after the wrong kind of happy. Part of getting the right answers in asking why, is asking the right questions. I suppose I could keep asking a sixth question: Why? – He thinks that will make his children happy. Hmmm, my brother is making lots of money. Is it making him happy? Well, it certainly is helping me understand why he doesn’t call. It certainly is making me less concerned about me and more concerned about my brother. Whether I got to a root cause or not, it certainly did help me understand. This process of asking why, I think it led me to being more virtuous. Don’t you think?

Why do they never call me?

Now, if your philosophy is not practical in your daily life, then why have it as a philosophy? I figured I’d throw a little practical application in.

Was it useful?

(Feature photo source: http://www.shutterstock.com/g/belovodchenko)

Anchor #2: Understanding

Posted on November 3, 2012 by Chris

Always ask yourself questions…this is the key to understanding. “Why questions” seem to work the best. Why am I feeling so blue today? Why doesn’t my mate find me attractive any more? Why is that lady such a pain in the butt all the time?

As humans, we often make snap judgments about what is right and wrong, acceptable and not. Moreover, we assume many stereotypes and take shortcuts to conclusions about the things we see.

In the morning we assume the sun will “rise.” Some ancients thought they lived on a flat surface and that the sun was moving through the sky because that is the way it appeared to them. Eventually, it occurred to someone that we might be inhabiting a round planet and that the Earth’s spinning was the real reason the sun appeared to move in the sky. To start on the road to understanding, someone had to start asking “why” does the sun rise in the East and set in the West, or “why” do ships’ masts remain visible as they sail away while the hulls disappear? Through why questions like these, eventually people began to understand the reason for the sun’s apparent movement.

What about this one? Let’s say you are treated rudely by someone in public or maybe even a friend. You think, “This guy is a real jerk, I ought to punch his face!” Before you act on this impulse maybe you should ask, “Why is this guy being such a jerk?” The answer, should you have some magical way to attain one, might surprise you. What you might not be taking time to understand is that this “guy” was just dumped by the love of his life and his mother is dying of bone cancer. On top of all of that, he is working for a struggling company that is looking to reduce its workforce. Since he is one of the newest employees there, he is worried about losing his job. With all of this going on, does that give him the right to be such an ass (see definition) to you? Well, have you ever let your issues affect your attitude with others? It certainly would be nice if he could keep his personal problems from making him so difficult with you, but then again, he is only human. Are you understanding now? Do you have some understanding of why he is being such an ass?

Picture of an ass

“Why” questions seem to help us get to the root of things, but who, what, where, when, and how questions are useful also. Especially when it comes to the results of certain actions we may take.

For example, let’s deal with your urge to punch someone in the face.

Who will you be hurting if you commit such an act?–the guy, his family, yourself (after you get charged with assault or he hits you back), your family, etc.
What will such an act accomplish (or not accomplish)?–make him angry, make you look like the “jerk,” not help you in your relations with him, not likely to change his attitude, etc.
When will you cross paths with him again?–maybe never. tomorrow when he is in a better mood or willing to share some of the reasons for his bad behavior
Where will you be tomorrow?–going about your business if you walk away, defending yourself in court/a lawsuit if you act on your urge to “punch.”
How will this act make you feel?–Eventually, like a “jerk.”

So, maybe by taking the time to ask questions of yourself you might have an understanding of what punching someone in the face actually accomplishes. What is the success rate of a punch in the face accomplishing its intended goal? What is your goal in committing such an act in the first place? Is it merely to punish, to make yourself feel better, to correct someone’s behavior? What are the long term implications?

The key to understanding is to always ask questions. Always dig further. Those ancients would not have unlocked the secrets of the universe if someone hadn’t of asked, “why?”

“Why” can’t I play now?

“Why” can’t I go swimming?

I think we will be nearer to a virtuous life if we persistently ask questions like the ones above in as many situations as possible.

Don’t you think so?

Anchor #1: Compassion

Posted on November 2, 2012 by Chris

If you’ve read any of my entries, you know that an awareness of suffering is key to my own journey of living a virtuous life. Whether it is through Stoicism, Buddhism, Zen, or any other philosophy I have taken as my own, I strive to remain cognizant that everywhere people struggle. The nature of our world can be violent; it is all around us.

Much of the time, we can be wrapped up in our own world. My problems, my money, my lifestyle, etc. But all around us there are others with problems. By making yourself aware of these problems, you open your mind to caring about others. As a bonus, awareness that suffering is indeed common to all of humanity puts your own personal strife in perspective. In short, as you view your own problems and struggles, as well as all those around you, you then see them as a constant in all of the human condition.

Suffering everywhere, plenty of room for compassion

However, being aware of suffering is only the beginning. To feel compassion is to care about the sufferer. When I meditate on compassion, I begin to feel the struggles of those around me. Turn on the news, take note of one or two stories of grief. It won’t take long to find them, because the news is full of them. Alternately, you can think of your friends and family and their struggles: sickness, accidents, hunger, poverty, mental illness, loss of job. Do you have sympathy for them? Of course. Do you want to comfort them? Yes. Now you are showing compassion.

Don’t you deserve some compassion, too? Well, absolutely. What about your worst fears, your phobias, your inner struggles? You have them. I know you have them, because everybody does. However, these struggles are yours. Do you deserve compassion? Absolutely!

You can begin with compassion for yourself, as if you were another, then you can start to direct your compassion outward. As you start to feel compassion for others who suffer, you become free from self. As you start to focus outward, you become motivated to act for the sake of others, rather than for your own sake. This is refreshing, and it leads us to virtue.

So let’s meditate on compassion.

As you continue to read this post, please slow down, s-l-o-w–d-o-w-n, breathe in……….then breathe out. Now…close your eyes…notice your breath, inhale, exhale…

…think of all your struggles, and any sadness you may have. Now follow your breath, inhaling and exhaling. Show yourself compassion as if you were another, mentally pat your own back and say, “I understand” to yourself. Show yourself compassion because you deserve it. You may show compassion for yourself as long as you wish in this reflection, and you can take as long as you need until you are ready to show compassion for those around you.

Now, take a person you know closely and mentally give them a long comforting hug. Don’t forget your breath…inhale, exhale. Maintain your “hug,” and tell this suffering person that “I know how you feel” or “I can empathize with your plight.” Close your eyes, and continue to psychically hug them…hold them for a long time, and feel their pain. That’s compassion. You can continually do this over and over. You can start with those close to you, move on to casual acquaintances, then maybe move on to those you don’t know (like someone in the news). Each time you go back and start over with your “mental hug” expand your compassion outward.

Give Somebody a Hug! Anybody!

Possibly, you can broaden your scope. Feel the world around you, as you inhale and exhale. Gently and easily repeat “compassion” over and over. Maybe you have someone who you disagree with, is just plain disagreeable, or someone who is your enemy. Do you think they suffer from some malady? Feel compassion for them and their suffering as you inhale, then as you exhale…”compassion.”

You can continue this as long as you’d like. I hope it helps you with your compassion…and on your quest for virtue.

7 Meditation Anchors

Posted on October 31, 2012 by Chris

Am I being virtuous? Am I focusing on what is important? What follows are what I call my Seven Meditation Anchors. During times of relaxation (before bed, with morning coffee, or even when I think I need to relax–e.g. heavy traffic or when family has driven me to the limit). I use these 7 anchors to help me come back to what is important. Sometimes I focus on one of them, other times I meditate on each in turn. I rarely meditate for longer than 15 minutes.

Thanks, Siddhartha!

For those familiar with Zen/Buddhism, four of these, Compassion, Love, Joy, Equanimity will have a vaguely familiar look…the Four Sublime States are a cornerstone of my anchors. They are what I call the spiritual/emotional anchors. They speak to the cerebellum, the medulla, the spiritual/ancestral (limbic and reptillian) brain.

The remaining three, Understanding, Patience, and Persistence, I consider rational anchors. They speak to the cerebrum (Neocortex), or thinking brain. They elicit cause and effect, and help with the “why’s” of what to focus on.

So, here they are with a short description for each. Don’t worry, I will expand upon each in the upcoming days. (Rationals are blue, Spirituals are green)

Compassion – is to feel the suffering of others.
Understanding – is to put yourself into another’s mind, or into a situation and really think about what you would do
Patience – is to understand that things take time, despite large amounts of effort
Persistence – if things take time, then great effort is required over and over and over…
Joy – is not just joy, but sympathetic joy. This is to revel in the good fortune of others…the opposite of envy
Equanimity – is the ability to see things as they are, from a distance, to be the water and not the waves (see Passionate Equanimity)
Love – as in Lovingkindness; this is love without possessing, without judging, without expecting it in return, it is to love as if a god

Note: You may be wondering why these are listed in this particular order. It’s a simple practical decision for me: it’s because in this order, they spell CUPP-JEL, which I can remember easily. None is more important than another, in my opinion (see last paragraph of my credentials here). You might choose to start with the “rationals” and finish with the “spirituals,” or vice versa (that would spell UPPJELC). For all I care, use PLUC-JEP.