“I never believed that story. I thought by the time the sun was exhausted, men would find a substitute” – Hank Rearden, Objectivist Hero in Rand’s Atlas Shrugged
Within context, within reason there is nearly always a way to overcome. Continue reading
Happiness is a state of mind…blah, blah, blah, blah. Great, thanks for the advice, how does that really help me? Happiness is a state of mind? Seriously how is that supposed to help me? I know that! The real question is, how do I change my mind? More precisely, how do I change my state of mind to be happy.
Well, one way is to list things you are grateful for. This morning I came up with a list of 10 things I am grateful for. When I started, I wanted it to be a “Top 10” things I am grateful for, but as I kept thinking I realized that it would be difficult to say which things would be in the “top 10.” In any case, these are the first 10 things I thought of.
It’s missing peanut butter.
Ball of energy!
So, in case you were wondering how to change your attitude and appreciate your world, there it is. Maybe you are grateful for some of the things on my list, too.
In my post “How Should I Go,” I likened our life to a trip to Disney World: regardless of what you may want to do next, eventually the trip must end. Part of what makes a vacation so special is that one gets to experience joyful things that they never have before, and might not experience again…maybe forever, maybe not for a long time. Life can be like that, too. In a vacation world, each day has something to offer us, and every moment has something special in it, but again, it won’t last forever.
Disney can be dark.
However, I am talking about externals here, aren’t I? And, when we talk about externals not all of them are so pleasant. For many, the conditions of life are not like a vacation, but as prison or as a gulag. For many, there are great struggles that face them. For most of us, the reality lies somewhere in between vacation and gulag, but let’s discuss our worst case condition.
Indeed, some of us are experiencing external struggles: hunger, unemployment, sickness or death of loved ones, or poverty. Others are engaged in a great internal personal struggle: depression, grief, personal sickness, injury. Let’s face it, for many of us, life is not Disney World…hardly. Life may be a place we would rather leave as soon as possible. Most who endure these struggles do not leave. For most, the will to survive is innate. Certainly, humankind would not have been around for all of these years if this desire to survive wasn’t built into our code.
Many who endure their struggles can be described as enduring “stoically.” In modern usage, the term “stoic” refers to a person who grits his teeth and endures existence, never complaining about the pain and tribulation that he must endure. Unfortunately, this modern interpretation is only half-right. The Stoic, as referred to by me, is more than just indifferent to the negative pressure around her, but in addition she is also aware that happiness is found internally, through our reason. Through our own deduction of what is true, we live as a Stoic not only to endure but to be at peace.
A much better view from the outside of Alcatraz
This peace, this tranquility is found in being aware of the good, by using reason to know what is in my control and what is not. In that there is tranquility. So, even if life has given us an inordinate amount of burden to bear, that goodness is still within. Even if we are not at Disney World, we can find great happiness in our virtue. Moreover, even in prison there can be things to be grateful for. First and foremost is our thought…which no one can and nothing should penetrate.
“Tribunal and prison are distinct places, one high, the other low; but your will, if you choose to keep it the same in both, may be kept the same. So we shall emulate Socrates, but only when we can write songs of triumph in prison.” Epictetus Discourses Book 2 Chapter 6
Simply, put my attitude is where I begin to find my own tranquility. But how do I change my attitude? Well, that requires another post, doesn’t it? Probably several.
So, how about REALLY listening to those around you? Once you master that, then maybe you can go out and fix the world beyond. I cannot tell you how many times I have committed to doing this…to really listening. I would compare this effort to speeding, when I was younger. NOTE: Now, I regularly drive about 5-7 MPH over the speed limit. I do not do this for safety or because I think that the speed limits are correct. It is just not worth it to me to get a ticket AND have my time wasted by a stop. Anyway, back in the day I would speed EVERYWHERE, then I would get a ticket and drive around at speed limit-speeds for 6 months. Eventually, my probation would expire and my carefulness would wear off. Then, I would speed again.
This is a lot like how I listen in my life. I am ALWAYS preoccupied with something (with a lot of things, actually). My child, my wife, or a coworker will be talking to me and I suddenly realize that I was not listening. Even worse, the talker will realize it and then ask, “Are you listening to me?” BUSTED! Whether I realize it or I am busted by the speaker, this is like getting that speeding ticket. It is time to slow down and really listen. But how do I do that? My favorite way to do that is called Active Listening.
This is not active listening!
There are many way to actively listen, but here’s my technique:
This is just one way to be virtuous with your “we.” Your interactions with those closest to you define who you are. If I am not listening to them, then I am not a good listener, and that does not honor those closest to me who are trying to communicate with me.
“If one were to measure what is agreeable by the standard of pleasure, nothing would be pleasanter than self-control; and if one were to measure what is to be avoided by pain, nothing would be more painful than lack of self-control.” Musonius Rufus
How do I live? Isn’t that the whole point of having a philosophy? It is good to have a philosophy, to be whole and virtuous, to have tranquility, but is it a mistake to spend the bulk of my time and thought on “me”? In the end, we are looking for our own contentment. I am not going to lie to myself; in the end, how I live my life is determined by how it makes “me” feel. Will my actions and thoughts bring me tranquility?
I close my eyes for a moment. What do I sense? Where is the center of this sensation? For some, it will be in our heads, for others it will be somewhere near the center of mass of our body, maybe the navel, maybe near the heart. What is my perspective when I open my eyes? The perspective comes from the center of my head. When I listen where does the sound go? Inside me somewhere, yes? When I feel pleasant, where do I feel it…somewhere within the boundaries of my body, no? Everything starts somewhere within the confines of “me.” For you, it is the same.
The Eyes are the “Portal to the Soul”
My point here is that I cannot avoid the fact that everything in my life starts with an egocentric motive, it starts with me. All things in my life start with me. All the things that I can control are inside of me. My mood, my thoughts, parts of my health. This is not to say that everything in me is in my control. I will maintain that cancer may destroy my body regardless of how much I do not want it to. My brain does not fire on all cylinders all the time despite how much I want it to. The examples abound of things I cannot control within me. But here is my point: if it is something we can control, it is within us. Nothing outside of us is completely in our control.
Are you “seaworthy?”
Moreover, too many times we attempt to “fix” the world around us before we have made ourselves ready for the task. Before setting sail, shouldn’t we make sure our ship is seaworthy? Absolutely! Keep in mind, that you could spend 100% of your time on yourself, and of course there will still be imperfection. For a ship, being seaworthy does not mean that there aren’t maintenance issues to be dealt with constantly. Eventually, you have to sail with what you have, and you deal with the minor issues on the ship as they appear. So, I hope you see my point: tending to your own mind and body is first and will take the bulk of your time, but that is so you can well and faithfully serve where necessary…but only if and when you have readied yourself.
I think that is why the Stoic philosophy is so “me-oriented,” since that is the locus of control that we truly have. That is why me is always first. Wholeness begins with yourself. You can serve others better when you are whole.