How You Can be Happy Forever!

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“I search myself first, and then the world about me.”–Seneca

Seneca captures so much with these words.  Happiness is indeed a state of mind.  We expect our happiness to be affected by external factors, and it certainly can.  There is no denying that our environment affects our happiness.  Meeting someone new, being proposed to for marriage, getting a pay raise, getting together with friends and relatives can all make us very happy, at least for a while.  How about these:  a successful business venture, getting a new job, completing a project, even winning the lottery?  All of these things can affect our view on life and our happiness, too.  However, I repeat, none of them bring permanent contentment.  That kind of happiness requires introspection, continuous mindfulness and effort.

If only you could meet her, you would be happy.

If only you could meet her, you would be happy.(Photo by Belovodchenko Anton)

Certainly we can enjoy the external joys in life, but just like saving for a rainy day we should realize that all of these external things are ephemeral.  Their happiness effect will fade eventually.  It is during these times of joy that we should build our happiness capital.  The perspective that the reflective, philosophical life gives us can help us build this capital.  In the end, happiness is an internal function.  We choose to be happy or not.

This is very important because not only do those external happiness drivers not always exist, but in fact there will also be many external things that make us unhappy.  Do I need to list them?  Take all of the things I mentioned above and reverse them.  Here we go: losing an old friend, getting a divorce, taking a pay cut, missing your friends and relatives, a failed business venture, being fired, failing to complete a project.  Finally, you may have your heart set on winning the lottery, and never win a dime.  You could even win and then be poisoned! (click for full story)

Poison!

Poison!

Your philosophy is your happiness shock absorber.  Your perspective, your equanimity is yours to control.  Look within for change, and look within for answers.  Seneca is right!

The Inevitability of Change

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“Observe constantly that all things take place by change, and accustom thyself to consider that the nature of the Universe loves nothing so much as to change the things which are and to make new things like them. For everything that exists is in a manner the seed of that which will be. But thou art thinking only of seeds which are cast into the earth or into a womb: but this is a very vulgar notion.” –Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations

Everything around me is always changing.  Birth, death, creation, destruction.  Things exist for a time, then they will be gone.  Eventually our very own sun will begin to “burn out,” but first it is expected to grow into a red giant.  The outer limits of this red giant stage will engulf the Earth, unless its orbit increases.  In any case, the biosphere will be long gone by then, which means that all life as we know it will be long gone.  All the oceans are predicted to be gone at just over 1 billion years from now, and all the water on Earth is expected to be gone by about 3 billion years from now.  (get more details here).  So we’ve got some time.

The sun is coming to get us; it will eventually.

The sun is coming to get us; it will eventually.

Actually, most of us have about about 90 years +/-30 years or so.  At this point, it is unlikely that there is anything I can do about this.

So, in the grand scheme of things I will relax, enjoy the day, enjoy the moment, and realize that BIG problems aren’t as big as they appear.

Duality: Either/Or vs. The Spectrum

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WARNING:  This post will take you down a very deep rabbit hole if you let it…good luck.

The duality of everything is going to drive me insane, I think.  I yearn for independence and yet need thousands around me to survive.  I want eternal happiness, yet feel down or depressed for no reason.  I strive to be a man of virtue, yet notice some of my actions are inconsistent with right versus wrong.

I’ve really been noticing the contradiction all around me.  It really is everywhere.  It is everywhere and unavoidable.  AND, like I said, my noticing it lately has been driving me crazy.  It is like watching an existential tennis match, when you hate tennis!

  • happy/sad
  • life/death
  • practical/idealistic
  • sleep/awake
  • materialistic/spiritual
  • money is everything/money is nothing
  • individuality/non-self
  • meaning/emptiness
  • purpose/futility
  • good/evil
  • knowledge/ignorance

I think the insanity begins when you start thinking of all these “opposites” as distinct either/or poles.  Either life has purpose or it is futile, either I am happy or I am sad, etc.  As soon as you start noticing these things, they pop up all around you, they come at you from everywhere…like that tennis match, or maybe it’s like two opposing walls closing inward on you with ever greater compression (think of the Star Wars trash compactor scene).  My personal frustration begins when I try to figure it out.  What does it all mean?  Is their purpose in life or is it futile?  Are we inherently evil or good?  Should I reach out to change my world or recede into myself?  Should I be happy with what I have, or should I strive for more?

So, this is where I try to break the paradigm, changing that either/or view to one of seeing suchness, one that sees that there is no either/or.  What is the answer to those questions I posed above?  When I reflect, meditate and breathe, I see the answer is yes and no, all at once.  It might be helpful to combine the answer to “yes&no.”   Is life meaningless? yes&no. Does life have purpose?  yes&no.  Should I strive to attain more wealth, or should I be happy with what I have? yes&no.  A “Yes&No” view acknowledges that there is a spectrum of non-answers rather than either/or.  It also acknowledges that I may be wrong about my own view, that clinging to an answer I KNOW is true, may not be correct.  This view is something you can study about, but it must be experienced to truly attain it.

Are there absolutes or not?  We want there to be, don’t we?  We are comfortable when we cling to our “answers.”  From a practical standpoint, we decide yes or no all the time.  Should I steal this candy bar? No.  Is that the right thing to do? Yes.  However, when it comes to our place in all of existence, these answers are approximations for truth.  What if we ask even more questions about our candy bar problem?  Who is selling the candy bar?  What are they doing with the profits?  What is in the candy bar?  Is it hurting people?  Isn’t that their choice?  Is my neighbor starving?  Am I starving?

My point here is not to convince myself that stealing a candy bar might be the right thing to do (although, I suppose given the right conditions, it might).  My point is to illustrate that even with the simplest of either/or questions, there is a spectrum that goes unnoticed by us.  We create the either/or world to try and simplify our existence, but it is not reality.  If too much of this reality seeps through into our view without the right context, it can drive us mad.

That may very well be where the Buddhist concept of right view comes in.  To see reality and thrive, we must have context; a large sea of understanding that helps us see where we fit.  When I have a right view, I can see that there is a Middle Way.  I know that there are guides to right and wrong, but I understand that these guides are dependent on context, and that all of existence is very complicated.

If I point to the grain of sand, I would be both right and wrong.

If I try to point to the grain of sand, I would be both right and wrong.

What I think I am trying to emphasize is that our understanding is almost always incomplete.  The appearance of opposites is an illusion.  We must always (yes, I said always) make our decisions with incomplete information.  We do not know everything about anything, and we know very little about most things.  So, when we make our life decisions we can take heart in the fact that we are doing the best we can with the given information.  It seems that it is best when we avoid the opposite poles and favor the middle way.

…and hopefully avoid insanity.

“…what makes [the noble truths] noble truths is precisely that they are actual, undeviating, invariable (tatha, avitatha, anannatha). It is the failure to face the actuality of these truths that has caused us to wander for so long through the long course of samsara. It is by penetrating these truths exactly as they are that one can reach the true consummation of the spiritual quest: making an end to suffering.”

Taken from “Dhamma and Non-duality”, by Bhikkhu Bodhi. Access to Insight, 4 April 2011, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/bodhi/bps-essay_27.html . Retrieved on 2 January 2013.

 

Disorder (uhh…Entropy)

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Entropy is the measure of energy in a closed system.  When something has more energy, there is more disorder.  Think of the molecules in a an ice cube versus that in water vapor.  The molecules in the ice cube have less energy and they are all arranged nicely in a solid.  Water vapor’s molecules, on the other hand, are warmer and are all over the place…disordered.  So, scientifically (and in engineering, of course), the concept of entropy is used to measure the amount of disorder and energy in a system.  In a closed system, entropy NEVER decreases.  This is called the Second Law of Thermodynamics:  “entropy of an isolated system never decreases, because isolated systems spontaneously evolve towards thermodynamic equilibrium — the state of maximum entropy [disorder].” (Thanks Wikipedia)

800px-Carnot_heat_engine_2.svg

This is a scientific law, but it necessarily has had philosophical implications.  Many, regardless of whether or not they have a scientific background, have referred to entropy to explain why things are the way they are.  Everything naturally flows towards more disorder; if left alone, things will become disorderly.  So accordingly, something must tidy it up.  At the worldly level, it must be man.  At the cosmic level, it must be the divine.  For some, it proves the existence of God.

But I am straying from my original intent.  I do think that the Second Law of Thermodynamics can have philosophical implications.  That is, it can give us some perspective on life in general.  At this point however, I would like to turn my thoughts away from what determines order or disorder, and limit the discussion to the fact that there simply is disorder in our system.  In other words, since the tendency in a system is toward disorder, then there will definitely be disorder in your life.

This flows nicely into the Stoic triad of control, fate, and impermanence.  If my life is orderly and just so right now, then I better enjoy it while it lasts.  Something will upset this order, because it is the natural way of things.  I cannot control most of it; it will happen as it is fate; and things that are so now, will not be so later…they are impermanent.

If your life is in disarray now, if it is messy, then maybe you should consider yourself lucky:  it is the natural way of things and you are in harmony with nature.  I know, that may be a sick joke, but in humor there is truth, no?  Seriously though, you can take heart in the fact that this is just the way things are.  Hopefully, you have already prepared for this state with your reflections on reality.

Which brings me to our place in a world of disorder.  If there is much I cannot control, this means that there ARE things I can.  I need to concentrate on those things I can control: my mental outlook, reactions to the insults, tragedies and attacks that come my way, not to mention my ability to reduce the chaos as much as possible for those around me.  I can reduce the entropy in my world.  I would definitely concentrate on the “world” inside my head, then limit my efforts to anything around me within a stone’s throw (or soccer ball’s kick, if you will), but that’s just me.

Remember, that entropy/disorder increases in a completely closed system.  Since our own “system” is nothing even close to being closed, and we are surrounded by “systems” that are not closed, we can add order to each in our own way.

Just be mindful that the march toward disorder will continue, no matter what you do.

OK now, how about a quote from a Stoic giant.  I think this one applies from Epictetus.  Think of the onion and shellfish as the order in your life, and the ship as the reality of disorder:  “Consider when, on a voyage, your ship is anchored; if you go on shore to get water you may along the way amuse yourself with picking up a shellfish, or an onion. However, your thoughts and continual attention ought to be bent towards the ship, waiting for the captain to call on board; you must then immediately leave all these things, otherwise you will be thrown into the ship, bound neck and feet like a sheep. So it is with life. If, instead of an onion or a shellfish, you are given a wife or child, that is fine. But if the captain calls, you must run to the ship, leaving them, and regarding none of them. But if you are old, never go far from the ship: lest, when you are called, you should be unable to come in time.”

 

"Never go far from the ship..."

“Never go far from the ship…”

On Tragedy, Death and Evil…a Stoic’s View

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“Never say of anything, ‘I have lost it’; but, ‘I have returned it.’ Is your child dead? It is returned. Is your wife dead? She is returned. Is your estate taken away? Well, and is not that likewise? ‘But he who took it away is a bad man.’ What difference is it to you who the giver assigns to take it back? While he gives it to you to possess, take care of it; but don’t view it as your own, just as travelers view a hotel.” –Epictetus

One cannot help but read the headlines and hear of tragic events all around us.  Most recently, in the U.S. State of Connecticut, a very unstable young man of 20 chose to randomly shoot anyone he could in an elementary school.  He cared not that his victims were young and innocent, or who they were.  In the end, 20 young children and 8 adults were killed in a matter of minutes, including the shooter.  28 sentient beings have been “returned.”  For 20 of them, their time here was a short one.

Unfortunately, what happened in Connecticut is not unique.  While I would be hesitant to say that mass murder is a common occurrence, we would be remiss if we didn’t acknowledge that its existence parallels that of all of humanity’s time on earth.  It is difficult to understand for the large majority of peace-loving and life-respecting individuals, why such things happen.  Some mass-murderers are evil, others are delusional.  Still others, like Genghis Khan below (AD 1162-1227), even think they are justified by some purpose, but for the victims the result is the same.

Ghengis Kahn:  figures estimate he killed up to 40 million. Public Domain photo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:YuanEmperorAlbumGenghisPortrait.jpg

Genghis Khan: figures estimate he killed up to 40 million. (Public Domain photo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:YuanEmperorAlbumGenghisPortrait.jpg)

Because such things do happen, and probably always will, I must acknowledge this:  It can happen.  It can happen to you, your children, or your spouse.  It can happen today.  It may happen 15 seconds from now.

Which brings me to one (although there could be many others) very important point about what we can learn from such an event:  The existence of all is temporary.  The existence of your children, your parents, friends, spouse, and you.  All temporary!  Acknowledging this should not be depressing.  Rather, it should motivate you to cherish every moment with them.  Appreciate them now, not when they are gone.

But to drive home this point, I will share an observation I had about what I saw on social media yesterday about the Connecticut shootings.  Over and over, I read things like, “I am going to hug my little ones a little tighter tonight,” “my child had a drill about this very thing at school, it made me cry,” or “With everything that happened today, we are having a family night. It’s all I could think about as the day progressed. I just want my kids close.”  Furthermore, I personally couldn’t help but picture my own grief had I lost my child in such a tragedy.  I think we all tend to do this.  We project a tragedy into our own life.  This is not a bad thing; it is how we empathize with others.  Should we really need a reminder, though?

You do not expect that this will be the last time you see your child.

You do not expect that this will be the last time you see your child.

Our goal then, is to understand that those we love in our lives are not ours.  Even our own lives, in the end, are not ours.  Every moment we spend is on loan, and the lease will expire at some point.  We don’t know when, where or how, but it will end for all.  This existence is borrowed.  The sage of virtue knows this at all times…few of us are sages, but that is what we strive for.  When I acknowledge the impermanence of all, then I relish every moment with those I love, and indeed I carefully examine how I spend my own time.

So, hug your loved ones a little tighter EVERY night, and try not to be reminded only when tragedy jolts you into awareness.  That is the philosopher’s goal.