How You Can be Happy Forever!

Posted on January 8, 2013 by Chris

“I search myself first, and then the world about me.”–Seneca

Seneca captures so much with these words. Happiness is indeed a state of mind. We expect our happiness to be affected by external factors, and it certainly can. There is no denying that our environment affects our happiness. Meeting someone new, being proposed to for marriage, getting a pay raise, getting together with friends and relatives can all make us very happy, at least for a while. How about these: a successful business venture, getting a new job, completing a project, even winning the lottery? All of these things can affect our view on life and our happiness, too. However, I repeat, none of them bring permanent contentment. That kind of happiness requires introspection, continuous mindfulness and effort.

If only you could meet her, you would be happy.(Photo by Belovodchenko Anton)

Certainly we can enjoy the external joys in life, but just like saving for a rainy day we should realize that all of these external things are ephemeral. Their happiness effect will fade eventually. It is during these times of joy that we should build our happiness capital. The perspective that the reflective, philosophical life gives us can help us build this capital. In the end, happiness is an internal function. We choose to be happy or not.

This is very important because not only do those external happiness drivers not always exist, but in fact there will also be many external things that make us unhappy. Do I need to list them? Take all of the things I mentioned above and reverse them. Here we go: losing an old friend, getting a divorce, taking a pay cut, missing your friends and relatives, a failed business venture, being fired, failing to complete a project. Finally, you may have your heart set on winning the lottery, and never win a dime. You could even win and then be poisoned! (click for full story)

Poison!

Your philosophy is your happiness shock absorber. Your perspective, your equanimity is yours to control. Look within for change, and look within for answers. Seneca is right!

The Inevitability of Change

Posted on January 4, 2013 by Chris

“Observe constantly that all things take place by change, and accustom thyself to consider that the nature of the Universe loves nothing so much as to change the things which are and to make new things like them. For everything that exists is in a manner the seed of that which will be. But thou art thinking only of seeds which are cast into the earth or into a womb: but this is a very vulgar notion.” –Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations

Everything around me is always changing. Birth, death, creation, destruction. Things exist for a time, then they will be gone. Eventually our very own sun will begin to “burn out,” but first it is expected to grow into a red giant. The outer limits of this red giant stage will engulf the Earth, unless its orbit increases. In any case, the biosphere will be long gone by then, which means that all life as we know it will be long gone. All the oceans are predicted to be gone at just over 1 billion years from now, and all the water on Earth is expected to be gone by about 3 billion years from now. (get more details here). So we’ve got some time.

The sun is coming to get us; it will eventually.

Actually, most of us have about about 90 years +/-30 years or so. At this point, it is unlikely that there is anything I can do about this.

So, in the grand scheme of things I will relax, enjoy the day, enjoy the moment, and realize that BIG problems aren’t as big as they appear.

Duality: Either/Or vs. The Spectrum

Posted on January 2, 2013 by Chris

WARNING: This post will take you down a very deep rabbit hole if you let it…good luck.

The duality of everything is going to drive me insane, I think. I yearn for independence and yet need thousands around me to survive. I want eternal happiness, yet feel down or depressed for no reason. I strive to be a man of virtue, yet notice some of my actions are inconsistent with right versus wrong.

I’ve really been noticing the contradiction all around me. It really is everywhere. It is everywhere and unavoidable. AND, like I said, my noticing it lately has been driving me crazy. It is like watching an existential tennis match, when you hate tennis!

happy/sad
life/death
practical/idealistic
sleep/awake
materialistic/spiritual
money is everything/money is nothing
individuality/non-self
meaning/emptiness
purpose/futility
good/evil
knowledge/ignorance

I think the insanity begins when you start thinking of all these “opposites” as distinct either/or poles. Either life has purpose or it is futile, either I am happy or I am sad, etc. As soon as you start noticing these things, they pop up all around you, they come at you from everywhere…like that tennis match, or maybe it’s like two opposing walls closing inward on you with ever greater compression (think of the Star Wars trash compactor scene). My personal frustration begins when I try to figure it out. What does it all mean? Is their purpose in life or is it futile? Are we inherently evil or good? Should I reach out to change my world or recede into myself? Should I be happy with what I have, or should I strive for more?

So, this is where I try to break the paradigm, changing that either/or view to one of seeing suchness, one that sees that there is no either/or. What is the answer to those questions I posed above? When I reflect, meditate and breathe, I see the answer is yes and no, all at once. It might be helpful to combine the answer to “yes&no.” Is life meaningless? yes&no. Does life have purpose? yes&no. Should I strive to attain more wealth, or should I be happy with what I have? yes&no. A “Yes&No” view acknowledges that there is a spectrum of non-answers rather than either/or. It also acknowledges that I may be wrong about my own view, that clinging to an answer I KNOW is true, may not be correct. This view is something you can study about, but it must be experienced to truly attain it.

Are there absolutes or not? We want there to be, don’t we? We are comfortable when we cling to our “answers.” From a practical standpoint, we decide yes or no all the time. Should I steal this candy bar? No. Is that the right thing to do? Yes. However, when it comes to our place in all of existence, these answers are approximations for truth. What if we ask even more questions about our candy bar problem? Who is selling the candy bar? What are they doing with the profits? What is in the candy bar? Is it hurting people? Isn’t that their choice? Is my neighbor starving? Am I starving?

My point here is not to convince myself that stealing a candy bar might be the right thing to do (although, I suppose given the right conditions, it might). My point is to illustrate that even with the simplest of either/or questions, there is a spectrum that goes unnoticed by us. We create the either/or world to try and simplify our existence, but it is not reality. If too much of this reality seeps through into our view without the right context, it can drive us mad.

That may very well be where the Buddhist concept of right view comes in. To see reality and thrive, we must have context; a large sea of understanding that helps us see where we fit. When I have a right view, I can see that there is a Middle Way. I know that there are guides to right and wrong, but I understand that these guides are dependent on context, and that all of existence is very complicated.

If I point to the grain of sand, I would be both right and wrong.

If I try to point to the grain of sand, I would be both right and wrong.

What I think I am trying to emphasize is that our understanding is almost always incomplete. The appearance of opposites is an illusion. We must always (yes, I said always) make our decisions with incomplete information. We do not know everything about anything, and we know very little about most things. So, when we make our life decisions we can take heart in the fact that we are doing the best we can with the given information. It seems that it is best when we avoid the opposite poles and favor the middle way.

…and hopefully avoid insanity.

“…what makes [the noble truths] noble truths is precisely that they are actual, undeviating, invariable (tatha, avitatha, anannatha). It is the failure to face the actuality of these truths that has caused us to wander for so long through the long course of samsara. It is by penetrating these truths exactly as they are that one can reach the true consummation of the spiritual quest: making an end to suffering.”

Taken from “Dhamma and Non-duality”, by Bhikkhu Bodhi. Access to Insight, 4 April 2011, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/bodhi/bps-essay_27.html . Retrieved on 2 January 2013.

My Meditation on Dukkha (…a special kind of “dissatisfaction”)

Posted on December 20, 2012 by Chris

I am about to turn 43. Looking at that age written down, it looks like an old age. It’s not elderly, but it’s old. I always wanted to be 40. It’s the age where you’re still young enough to do things, most people have their health, but very few consider you a “kid.” You get respect at 40, while the degeneration process of the body and mind has not quite kicked in. 40 was my goal age.

The problem is that you don’t just get to stop at 40. Honestly, the 3 years since I turned 40 have flown by like an instant. The tick-tick-tick of time keeps moving. In many ways, my life is about like I expected it to be now. In other ways, it is completely off. I thought there would be satisfaction in being in my 40’s. Instead, there is a background of disappointment. The millions that weren’t made (or at least 10’s of thousands) despite the hard work, the places I haven’t visited, the children who are leaving to live their own lives….I want them to be little again. Where did the time go? In short, just like happens to many of us who keep saying “if only i were XXX, then I’ll be happy” or “if only had, XXX then I will slow down,” and then we finally get there, I am on to the next bit of grasping for more. We never really get there when we grasp for more…Dukkha. Dukkha is that dissatisfaction that you will always feel when you grasp at this reality, when you expect fulfillment from things of this world. You can never gain permanent satisfaction in this reality.

This background of dissatisfaction, I’ve felt this way before. It is the type of feeling that rushes in and makes me ask, “Is this all there is?” I started getting these feelings in my mid-20s; I think it was when the testosterone of teenage life wore off. In my 20’s, I had alcohol that confused the matter…lots of alcohol. All the while, I searched for truth. I found the teachings of the Buddha, and read about Dukkha. Buddhism recommended a drug-free existence. When I was 31, I decided that I could see things more clearly without alcohol. So, I stopped drinking it.

Without alcohol, I could see more clearly.

It was at that point that understanding came much faster. My motivation was much better, and my energy returned. I could see things clearer. Success in life began to accelerate; and I kept learning.

But that feeling kept returning, more powerful each time. As I tried to anchor myself in this world, it became less rational. Empty. There is no meaning in this perceived reality. It is emptiness.

As I age, it can be gut-wrenching. The dissatisfaction! Dukkha. I think as I age, the impermanence of existence is more obvious. I used to play the “I wonder what I’ll be doing in ten years” game. I don’t like to play that game anymore…53 is not an age I am in a rush to attain, nor do I wish for my children to each be 10 years older, and certainly not my parents. I can accept it, but I can wait for it…patiently. No hurry to speed through 10 years.

Dukkha indeed. Grasping at this life as if it were going to last forever. All that I see around me will be gone one day. All that I feel, all that I’ve worked for will be gone. All that I intend to work for in the next 10, 20, 30 years will eventually be gone. In 30 years I will be 73…if I make it to that age.

One of my goals…aging gracefully. (www.loosha.nl – ginny@loosha.nl)

When I slow down, breathe, and enjoy my existence now. When I read, write, reflect and feel, when I am present in the moment, the dissatisfaction fades. Writing, for me, is my meditation, and it is one of those times I feel most alive. It is my craft and it completes me. I think we all have one or more of those things we do that bring us back to the present moment.

When we are present in the moment, we are not grasping, and we find the end of dissatisfaction, and if we are sages we can escape Dukkha.

I am a Failure! What Now?

Posted on December 13, 2012 by Chris

“0h Crito, if it thus pleases the gods, thus let it be. Anytus and Melitus may kill me indeed, but hurt me they cannot.” –Plato’s Crito

For my job, I am required to pass an evaluation. I recently took one of these evaluations, and although I passed, I did not leave the lasting good impression that I had hoped to leave with my new boss. As the new guy, this was my chance to break through, to develop a trust from my employer that would be one I could build upon. That did not happen. Instead, as one thing led to another I ended up performing badly enough during one portion that I now am “in a hole” that I must dig out of. It left my evaluator, who just happens to be my boss, with a lack of confidence in my ability. For all intents and purposes, I failed.

If at first you don’t succeed…(photo by Ben Earwicker)

So what can I, as a Heroic Stoic make of this? Here are some thoughts.

1. Control

“What does not kill me, makes me stronger.” –Friedrich Nietzsche

Much of what happened on this particular evaluation was out my control: the situation I was put in, my own fatigue, my lack of situational awareness of how difficult the particular task was, my inexperience on the job, my own talent at performing the job, not to mention the boss’s opinion on the seriousness of the errors I committed. These are not excuses, this is a simple acknowledgment that there are certain things that I cannot control, when I face a failure. These are things that test me, that make me better. They improve my skills. Clearly, if I have failed then I have reached some kind of limit…at least I know where it is now, and what to do next.

2. Picking Myself Up

“Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.”–Dale Carnegie

(Photo by Cheryl Empey)

This failure has afforded me the opportunity to reevaluate my own attitude and what I can do better in the future. For example, in this case I have committed to be better at the tasks I did not do well. I will commit to never make those errors again. They may be my weaknesses, so I am set on bringing them up to par. Often, failures can close doors and force you to go in a different direction…it may lead to a change in focus in your life. A failure may make you realize that you are not cut out for a particular task, and a new door will open. It this is you, be on the lookout for it.

3. Worry (That is, Worrying About Fate)

“Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.” –Marcus Aurelius

I could worry about how this will affect my future. How will this affect my work environment? Will the boss be looking for my mistakes now? Will it affect any raises I get? What happens if I make another mistake? Could I lose my job? All these things are possible, but they will largely be controlled by fate. There is no reason to worry about these things. What to be concerned about are the things I can control. I need to do the best job I possibly can. Will I make mistakes? Sure. Will I have to prove myself? Most definitely. All I can do is the best I can do…it is the only way to be virtuous.

4. Pride

“I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.” George Burns

It is better to have tried at something I am committed to, than to not have tried at all. Along the way, there will be failures for things that are worth it. Failures don’t mean the end, and failures while doing something you love are worth it. It is my pride in my craft that will motivate me to be better…to be excellent!