Tag Archives: happiness

You Can Lead a Horse to Water…

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If you know something is right, if you know that acting a certain way, or even feeling a certain way is the way to maintain your tranquility, then why don’t you do it?

I will get to the point:  It is through your will that you can maintain your tranquility.  To act according to your philosophy during the most trying of times requires great effort, but to be a person of virtue you must do this.  You must, through sheer mental exertion, act how you know you should act!

Here on the site, I write about a philosophical world view that includes being aware of what you can and cannot control, that fate largely determines our future, and that everything is impermanent.  You may agree with this view in its entirety or you may disagree with parts or even all of it.  Regardless of your opinion on the matter, I do think that living a life of tranquility requires two major steps:

  1. Establish your philosophy (How do I live?)
  2. Live by that philosophy

Because it may be where most of us philosophers fail, I want to address that second part today.  Assuming you have established some semblance of what is the way to live, then what does it take to actually live according to what you know to be virtuous?  Let’s break this down a little.  Let’s just take one small example.

In my philosophy, I know that I cannot control the actions of those around me.  Occasionally, I am confronted by someone who is a complete jackass.

Picture of an Ass

Picture of a jackass

I don’t mean that they are being a jackass today, but I mean a person who, by the sum of their actions, is a jackass (see definition here).  Assuming that I must deal with this person, at least for a time, what do I do?  First, I must determine (a) how I act with this person?  For my own tranquility though, I must establish (b) how I feel about and because of this person?

(a) I do not return their rudeness, attitude, and demeanor in kind.  Some of us may be tempted to do this, but most of us find this step fairly easy to complete, although it does cause us stress.  In any case, this is easier than the next part of my reaction to this jackass, and that leads to…

(b) I do not let their action affect my emotion, viewpoint and general attitude of the world around me.  This, I think, is the tough part.  It is by sheer force of will, by having complete awareness and exerting effort that I execute this very important step and maintain my tranquility and my virtue.  In many cases, I may need to maintain my interaction (e.g., a family member, an important client, my boss), so I may need use my mental will constantly.  In many cases, you may have the option to discontinue the interaction, and I do not discourage this if you have the option (for example, find a new job, look for new clients, etc.).  In any case, you must first decide whether a continued interaction is important to you; then regardless of what you decide, you maintain your tranquility through your own effort.

Sheer Force!

Sheer Force!

The bottom line here is that tranquility is yours to control, and this requires effort of will.  Your philosophy is there for you to use it in the toughest of times, and when these challenges arise you will be required to act according to what you know to be true:  that your virtue is maintained by you regardless of external influence.

To act according to what you know to be best is not always easy, but you must do so, no?

Ten Things I am Grateful For (Changing My Attitude)

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Happiness is a state of mind…blah, blah, blah, blah.   Great, thanks for the advice, how does that really help me?  Happiness is a state of mind?  Seriously how is that supposed to help me?  I know that!  The real question is, how do I change my mind?  More precisely, how do I change my state of mind to be happy.

Well, one way is to list things you are grateful for.  This morning I came up with a list of 10 things I am grateful for.  When I started, I wanted it to be a “Top 10” things I am grateful for, but as I kept thinking I realized that it would be difficult to say which things would be in the “top 10.”  In any case, these are the first 10 things I thought of.

  1. No Pain – Some people, when they open their eyes in the morning feel pain immediately.  Maybe in their joints, their back, their head, stomach, etc.  I am very fortunate.  As I age, I think I have more and more aches and pains, but I do not have anything I would classify as chronic pain.  I am very grateful that my body has yet to rebel on me.
  2. My Wife – I am grateful for my wife.  I do not want to be too sentimental here, although I could get that way.  I could write post after post of things I am grateful for about my wife.  For this list, however, I will limit my gratefulness to 2 major things about my wife that I am grateful for.  First, I am grateful that I managed to find someone who is comaptible enough with me that living with her is possible.  I take for granted, that many end up with a mate that is so incompatible that they are doomed to difficulty or divorce from the start.  Not so with my wife and I.  We have our differences certainly, but these are things we tweak here and there.  Next, is the fact that she gives a damn…about our relationship.  My wife loves and cares for US.   She makes an effort to build our relationship; when I make the effort she returns it, sometimes ten-fold.  I mention this because I often take this for granted.  She exerts effort to keep our relationship strong.  I know that this is not always the case with others.  Many people just give up on their relationships.
  3. Children (mine) – I have 5 children.  Each of them provides me with a different perspective on life.  In their own way, they each decipher the world for me through a different lens.  It is very difficult to put into words how each of them brings me joy and insight.  A little embarrassingly, they also make me very proud…I shouldn’t really have pride, should I?
  4. Food – It is not lost on me, that I have never had to worry about if I would get my next meal.  Certainly, not always a feast, but I have had some of those as well.
  5. Shelter – I have more than enough space, conditioned air, electricity, running safe water, and all the other amenities of a standard U.S. home.  I often think to myself that my residence would be considered a manor if I were to transport it back in time 100 years.  Take it further back, maybe 300 years, and it would be the grandest castle in all the world.  It’s amazing how lucky you can consider yourself when you think through the 4th dimension of time.
  6. My Mind – I am grateful that my reasoning faculties are intact.  This certainly may not last forever.  I have observed that my mind has indeed slowed down.  I have seen grandparents devolve into dementia (although from their perspective, this may actually be a blessing), and I can see others who have lost or are just losing their mind around me.
  7. Ice Cream – Do I really need to explain?  Sidenote:  I mix in peanut butter.  It’s weird and makes it even worse for me, but makes for a breathtaking occasional treat!  Also, ice cream is not food like in #4…it’s a completely different category.

    It's missing peanut butter.

    It’s missing peanut butter.

  8. Negative Examples – All around me, people are rude, proud, and lying.  They are violent, they don’t listen.  They judge me, in my opinion, without all the facts too soon.  They are ambitious to the point of greed and sometimes to obsession.  I am so grateful for this.  This is an opportunity for me to see my own dark side, to see it from outside of me.  When you see these things in another, you can address them in yourself…and use this as an antidote not to be like that.
  9. Life is a Path – I am glad that I was born basically knowing nothing.  I am glad that my parents taught me their view on life.  I am glad that society tried to teach me “norms.”  I am glad for organized religion, too.  Much of what I was taught I rejected, but I was challenged to do so on the path.  I am glad I once thought one way so strongly, in order that I was forced to defend my beliefs; as a result, I realized I was wrong.  So many thoughts, beliefs and philosophies I have had, all to lead to right now, which I am very grateful for.  …and the journey continues.Autumn Path C
  10. The Sun – I certainly take this for granted.  No matter what, the food you eat, the electricity we generate, the wood and steel we use, the plants….everything…all of Gaia…originates in the energy of the sun.  So perfectly placed from our planet, stable enough that it warms us and doesn’t fry us.  Close enough that we don’t freeze to death…it’s existence, simply amazing!

    Ball of energy!

    Ball of energy!

  11. The Internet – I guess this one is a bonus.  Used in moderation, the internet is a wonderful thing.  Information, communication, love, hate, play, business, fun…it’s a virtual world.  I am sure that if we never had the internet we would not miss it, but now that it is here, I really appreciate it.

So, in case you were wondering how to change your attitude and appreciate your world, there it is.  Maybe you are grateful for some of the things on my list, too.

What if My Life isn’t “Disney World”

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In my post “How Should I Go,” I likened our life to a trip to Disney World:  regardless of what you may want to do next, eventually the trip must end.  Part of what makes a vacation so special is that one gets to experience joyful things that they never have before, and might not experience again…maybe forever, maybe not for a long time.   Life can be like that, too.  In a vacation world, each day has something to offer us, and every moment has something special in it, but again, it won’t last forever.

Disney can be dark.

Disney can be dark.

However, I am talking about externals here, aren’t I?  And, when we talk about externals not all of them are so pleasant.  For many, the conditions of life are not like a vacation, but as prison or as a gulag.  For many, there are great struggles that face them.  For most of us, the reality lies somewhere in between vacation and gulag, but let’s discuss our worst case condition.

Indeed, some of us are experiencing external struggles: hunger, unemployment, sickness or death of loved ones, or poverty.  Others are engaged in a great internal personal struggle:  depression, grief, personal sickness, injury.  Let’s face it, for many of us, life is not Disney World…hardly.  Life may be a place we would rather leave as soon as possible.  Most who endure these struggles do not leave.  For most, the will to survive is innate.  Certainly, humankind would not have been around for all of these years if this desire to survive wasn’t built into our code.

Many who endure their struggles can be described as enduring “stoically.”  In modern usage, the term “stoic” refers to a person who grits his teeth and endures existence, never complaining about the pain and tribulation that he must endure.  Unfortunately, this modern interpretation is only half-right.  The Stoic, as referred to by me, is more than just indifferent to the negative pressure around her, but in addition she is also aware that happiness is found internally, through our reason.  Through our own deduction of what is true, we live as a Stoic not only to endure but to be at peace.

A much better view from the outside of Alcatraz

A much better view from the outside of Alcatraz

This peace, this tranquility is found in being aware of the good, by using reason to know what is in my control and what is not.  In that there is tranquility.  So, even if life has given us an inordinate amount of burden to bear, that goodness is still within.  Even if we are not at Disney World, we can find great happiness in our virtue.  Moreover, even in prison there can be things to be grateful for.  First and foremost is our thought…which no one can and nothing should penetrate.

“Tribunal and prison are distinct places, one high, the other low; but your will, if you choose to keep it the same in both, may be kept the same. So we shall emulate Socrates, but only when we can write songs of triumph in prison.”  Epictetus Discourses Book 2 Chapter 6

Simply, put my attitude is where I begin to find my own tranquility.  But how do I change my attitude?  Well, that requires another post, doesn’t it?  Probably several.

Me, We, and They

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I think living a virtuous life is a balance between tending to me, we, and they. It starts with tending to “me,” but at some point I move on to “we” and “they.”  As I move on to “we” and “they,” I always return back to “me” again, cultivating my own virtue.  Certainly, part of virtuous living is how effectively I keep these in balance, and how smoothly I transition to tending each.  A good balance I think, is about 50/30/20 (me/we/they).

Starting with "me."

Starting with “me.”

I will discuss this in more detail soon.  Starting with, “me” of course.

...then "we" and "they"

…then “we” and “they”

“Root out the violence in your life, and learn to live compassionately and mindfully. Seek peace. When you have peace within, real peace with others is possible.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh

What about my Self-Esteem and Self-Actualization?

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Previously, I discussed how I can control my own desires to “lower the bar” of expectations of what I truly need.  Mostly, I was speaking of material things and basic sustenance.  But what if I’ve already mastered those things?  What if I am just fine with the house I have, with the meals I eat, and with the money I earn?

I am on to bigger and better things. I want a job that is fulfilling, I want to feel self-actualized!  To be a hero!  I want meaning in my pursuit of life!

To gain a perspective on meaning and purpose in life, I always return to control, fate and impermanence.  To be self-actualized, you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and say, “I have done my best, at what I must do in my pursuit of virtue.”  It’s that simple.  If you can honestly tell that to yourself about your pursuits, then you should be self-actualized.  When it comes to your pursuits, this is all you have control over.  Everything else is external.

As Seneca reminds us, “For if a man engages in many affairs, he often puts himself in the power of Fortune, while his safest course is rarely to tempt her, always to be mindful of her, and never put any trust in her promises. Say, I will set sail unless something happens, and I shall become praetor unless something hinders me, and my enterprise will be successful unless something interferes.”

Self-Actualized!

Self-Actualized!

In short, if you are involved in a pursuit that is unwholesome, then stop.  If you are putting your best efforts toward betterment of yourself and those around you, then you need to do no more.

So, you can control your self-esteem and self-actualization needs with your contemplation and philosophy.

Self-Actualize, Philosopher!