How should I go?

Posted on February 27, 2013 by Chris

Taking a little detour here from “we.” Going back to a “me” topic. Well, maybe there is some “we” as well. In any case…

Sometimes I wonder how I would prefer to meet my own death. I don’t mean method of death. Movie series like Final Destination or Saw, and countless others seem to gruesomely explore these possibilities. It’s human nature to wonder about how we will die, that is what makes such movies alluring, but that is not I am talking about today. What I am talking about is the “when.” What I mean is I sometimes wonder how much time I would have from my knowing that I was dying to when I actually kicked the bucket. If I go in a flash, I won’t be pondering my demise with acute urgency. If I take years, indeed I would feel the pressure to tie up any loose ends. It really doesn’t matter at this point, because I have no knowledge or control of how the end will come. At this point, nobody has informed me that I have a terminal illness, or asked me to perform a life or death mission. At this point, my death is completely in the hands of fate, and completely out of my control…completely unknown to me. As far as I know, it is not imminent…although, I could be hit by a bus tomorrow.

It seems that when it comes to my eventual death, there are two main issues I think I should focus on:

Being Ready
Loose Ends

Being Ready (Preparing for Death)

Shouldn’t I always be ready? Isn’t that one of the essential tenets of living the philosophical life? Shouldn’t I always be ready for my death? What is the difference if a doctor tells me I have 2 months to live or not? Aren’t I dying already? I am in the process of death right now: my hair is graying, my stamina in just about everything is less than when I was 18, I can’t eat spicy food any more, I am unable to even tolerate eating ice cream (which I still love). In short, these are all signs of my slow and eventual demise. Nature is already telling me, “you are going to die.” The only difference from that dreaded doctor news is the time span and the assumed authority (we tend to believe doctors when they tell us we aren’t going to make it, even though many defy the odds).

So, isn’t my goal to mentally be that doctor? To stare myself down and say, “you only have about 40 more years to live, maybe less…maybe a LOT less. It could be days, we just aren’t sure. I’ve got to be upfront with you, there is a slight possibility that you might not make it through the day.” It’s the truth, isn’t it? Well, if I can admit that is the case, then shouldn’t I be ready. Shouldn’t I always be aware that every moment is precious? Absolutely!

“The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave die but once.”–Shakespeare

Loose Ends

Do I really need time to tie up loose ends? When would be a good time to die? Before my wife? After? After my kids are grown? After they are married? After grandchildren? Great-grandchildren? Certainly, after I purchase life insurance. So many loose ends, and no way to tie them all up before I go, no matter how long I have. And there is the heart of the matter…I cannot possibly tie up all the loose ends before I die. Remember, that your life is on loan to you for the time that is allotted. You can try and try, but there will always be more you may wish to have experienced. For some, this life may be like that trip to Disney World, that they never want to end…but it must end, even though you wished you could have spent more time at the Magic Kingdom.

No matter how together you are. No matter how prepared you are for your own death, there will always be things that are undone. There will be loose ends. In my case, I think my goal is to make that clear to those who might miss me. First, I suppose is to ensure that they will miss me, by my action and character. After that, I must remind them (albeit gently) that life will go on when I am gone. Hopefully, some people will miss me, but most likely they will go on, maybe occasionally touched by the sadness of my departure, but mostly unaffected in their outlook on life despite my permanent absence. This is my hope anyway, and I think for the most part, it is true.

There are two main points about loose ends. First, that you will likely depart before you and others desire. More importantly though, eventually most (perhaps all) will go on quite peacefully without you. So, there will be loose ends, but I think most of them will be centered around your own desires to want a little more “magic.” Most of those loose ends can be tied by someone else who remains. Eventually, people will go to Disney without you.

This is how I should face my end: Always ready, aware that there will be loose ends when I go, and that those loose ends will eventually be tied.

What about my Self-Esteem and Self-Actualization?

Posted on February 2, 2013 by Chris

Previously, I discussed how I can control my own desires to “lower the bar” of expectations of what I truly need. Mostly, I was speaking of material things and basic sustenance. But what if I’ve already mastered those things? What if I am just fine with the house I have, with the meals I eat, and with the money I earn?

I am on to bigger and better things. I want a job that is fulfilling, I want to feel self-actualized! To be a hero! I want meaning in my pursuit of life!

To gain a perspective on meaning and purpose in life, I always return to control, fate and impermanence. To be self-actualized, you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and say, “I have done my best, at what I must do in my pursuit of virtue.” It’s that simple. If you can honestly tell that to yourself about your pursuits, then you should be self-actualized. When it comes to your pursuits, this is all you have control over. Everything else is external.

As Seneca reminds us, “For if a man engages in many affairs, he often puts himself in the power of Fortune, while his safest course is rarely to tempt her, always to be mindful of her, and never put any trust in her promises. Say, I will set sail unless something happens, and I shall become praetor unless something hinders me, and my enterprise will be successful unless something interferes.”

Self-Actualized!

In short, if you are involved in a pursuit that is unwholesome, then stop. If you are putting your best efforts toward betterment of yourself and those around you, then you need to do no more.

So, you can control your self-esteem and self-actualization needs with your contemplation and philosophy.

Self-Actualize, Philosopher!

When will you be happy? You decide!

Posted on January 11, 2013 by Chris

I have read several studies that have stated that once you are beyond a certain level of subsistence, more wealth does not bring you more happiness (see here, here, and here). If you are reading this, you are probably one of those people with enough to live on. So the question is what are you after? Certainly not power; that too, is ephemeral and it just brings more desire.

Happiness…that is what you are after. How do you obtain it? The third article above states that we tend to have a “set point” of happiness, regardless of our life condition. This may very well be true.

Happiness from virtue?

As I have mentioned many times, I think our happiness is derived from our perspective on how things really are. Our perspective can be widened by understanding the three Stoic concepts of control, fate, and impermanence. Understanding these concepts takes work. That’s the theme of my entry today, that you can read my interpretation of the Stoic philosophy, you can reach the end and say, “Ah-hah!” and you are not even close to finding happiness through virtue. This pursuit has to be done through constant tending of your mind. Wouldn’t it be great if we could throw some seeds down, and a garden would just grow itself? Unfortunately, this is not the case. We have to nurture those seeds constantly, water them, feed them with fertilizer, look out for pests, pull the weeds, and THEN we have to know when is the right time to harvest. Wow! All that for a garden!

Seems happy. I wonder if he has a garden?

So imagine how much work it takes to nurture your own virtue. I maintain that this endeavor is far more tedious than growing a garden. Maybe a simple meditation based on a Stoic viewpoint, performed daily or whenever needed, could help. Maybe right before bed and also before you place your feet on the floor when you wake up, you can simply remind yourself:

Control – There will be much I cannot control, but I can control my attitude
Fate – Many things will happen to me, much will be unexpected
Impermanence – Someday I will be gone, someday it will all be gone
So (Telling yourself in the day): Live as if today were your last, but serve as best you know how, and be mindful and pleasant
So (Telling yourself before bed): Sleep deeply, leave it behind for now. If you awake tomorrow, you will be ready.

It’s just a suggestion. Maybe you can make your own Stoic Meditation or your own Creed.

How You Can be Happy Forever!

Posted on January 8, 2013 by Chris

“I search myself first, and then the world about me.”–Seneca

Seneca captures so much with these words. Happiness is indeed a state of mind. We expect our happiness to be affected by external factors, and it certainly can. There is no denying that our environment affects our happiness. Meeting someone new, being proposed to for marriage, getting a pay raise, getting together with friends and relatives can all make us very happy, at least for a while. How about these: a successful business venture, getting a new job, completing a project, even winning the lottery? All of these things can affect our view on life and our happiness, too. However, I repeat, none of them bring permanent contentment. That kind of happiness requires introspection, continuous mindfulness and effort.

If only you could meet her, you would be happy.(Photo by Belovodchenko Anton)

Certainly we can enjoy the external joys in life, but just like saving for a rainy day we should realize that all of these external things are ephemeral. Their happiness effect will fade eventually. It is during these times of joy that we should build our happiness capital. The perspective that the reflective, philosophical life gives us can help us build this capital. In the end, happiness is an internal function. We choose to be happy or not.

This is very important because not only do those external happiness drivers not always exist, but in fact there will also be many external things that make us unhappy. Do I need to list them? Take all of the things I mentioned above and reverse them. Here we go: losing an old friend, getting a divorce, taking a pay cut, missing your friends and relatives, a failed business venture, being fired, failing to complete a project. Finally, you may have your heart set on winning the lottery, and never win a dime. You could even win and then be poisoned! (click for full story)

Poison!

Your philosophy is your happiness shock absorber. Your perspective, your equanimity is yours to control. Look within for change, and look within for answers. Seneca is right!

The Inevitability of Change

Posted on January 4, 2013 by Chris

“Observe constantly that all things take place by change, and accustom thyself to consider that the nature of the Universe loves nothing so much as to change the things which are and to make new things like them. For everything that exists is in a manner the seed of that which will be. But thou art thinking only of seeds which are cast into the earth or into a womb: but this is a very vulgar notion.” –Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations

Everything around me is always changing. Birth, death, creation, destruction. Things exist for a time, then they will be gone. Eventually our very own sun will begin to “burn out,” but first it is expected to grow into a red giant. The outer limits of this red giant stage will engulf the Earth, unless its orbit increases. In any case, the biosphere will be long gone by then, which means that all life as we know it will be long gone. All the oceans are predicted to be gone at just over 1 billion years from now, and all the water on Earth is expected to be gone by about 3 billion years from now. (get more details here). So we’ve got some time.