“Sixth, consider when thou art much vexed or grieved, that man’s life is only a moment, and after a short time we are all laid out dead.” Meditations Chapter 11 Rule #6
Nothing says Merry Christmas like contemplating my death. Continue reading
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I reference to my previous post on sleep, it looks like Santa has time to rest now. Merry Christmas, Philosophers!
Everything around me is out of my control. Sometimes, even my own body and mind are not mine. I wanted to sleep this morning until 9 am at least (it is my day off after all), except I awoke at 6:30 with my eyes wide open. I gave myself until 7 to go back to sleep. By 6:50, my mind was already filling with ideas. Sometimes, even my own psyche is out of my control. If I were a psychological guru, I suppose I could have forced myself back to sleep, or at least tried a little harder to relax. Wow, think about that statement for a moment: “try a little harder to relax”? Is that an oxymoron or what? It seems like many of us do a lot of that. We work at resting…hmmm.
Sleeeeeeeeep!
I think part of our effort to “work at relaxing” comes from the fact that we misunderstand what we can and cannot control. For example, perhaps I was misguided about whether I had a choice in the matter of sleeping. How many of us have convinced ourselves that we can “will” ourselves to sleep with our cerebral cortex only, while forgetting the other parts of our brain. We can just think ourselves to sleep…yeah, right!
Sleeeeep!
Also, let’s not forget about that circadian rhythm. In my case, my own sleep cycle complicates matters. You see, two nights ago I was called in to work all night: 7 pm to 7 am. I had the opportunity to nap during that time, but I had little meaningful sleep. When I returned from work, it was about 7:30 am and I was exhausted. I fell asleep on the spot. I awoke 6 hours later…not bad, but not that great either after being awake for basically 24 hours. I hardly felt refreshed by bed time, which turned out to be 1 am. Cycle–all–out–of–whack. Out of my control.
Sleep when tired.
So, even though I know I could have used more sleep, I only slept from 1 am to 6:30 am last night, and that’s that. So, that will be 2 rounds of 6 hours of sleep, in the last 48. Some people can live on this kind of sleep, but not me. I can accept this. Maybe I will get a little nap today. Notice the “maybe” in that statement. It is a very strong maybe; it implies a lack of control. I cannot control much of what the day has in store for me. I may have chores to do, my wife may have plans for me today, my children may need me right when I should be napping, or I may actually lay down to “saw some Z’s” and I won’t be able to get to sleep. Out of my control.
All things considered, I don’t feel that tired anyway…yet. At least I’ll get a full night sleep tonight. Oh wait, scratch that, it’s Christmas eve. Now there is something I can be sure about…that I WON’T get much sleep on Christmas eve, as a father of two young children. Up late playing Santa, up early enjoying their excitement.
Out of my control. Sometimes, like on Christmas eve and morning, it’s just fun being along for the ride. Possibly, I’m just excited for Christmas and that’s why I can’t sleep.
MAYBE that nap will be had tomorrow.
If life were a race around a track, Christmas seems to be when I get my split time. Like in a NASCAR race, I find that Christmas is my time to check where I stand in my life. It is when I pass the pole. If life is a series of fence posts that I pass on my journey, then Christmas is that familiar landmark, that pink and purple mailbox that I pass that awakens me to the fact that I have made progress…at least progress toward something.
Santa making Stoic progress.
More than any other time, more than my birthday, more than New Year’s day, more than any other day, Christmas time turns me toward reflection. All of my living loved ones either are with me, or communicate with me. All of those I have lost, come back to me in my memories as well. I see all of the change in everyone’s families in their Christmas cards. I pause to see my children celebrate again, but they are all one year older.
“…nights growing colder
Children growing up, old friends growing older
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away…
The innocence slips away” –Neil Peart (from the song “Time Stands Still” lyricis for the rock band Rush) See it and hear it, here.
A time for reflection. (photo: Wong Mei Teng)
I observe myself as well. I can remember my attitude about the Holiday throughout the years, and how it has changed. I observe how I fit into the grand scheme of others’ lives. It’s always a little different every year. Former close friends are more distant, new friends are closer, relationships are rekindled from the past as well.
As Marcus Aurelius reflects in his Meditations: “Is any man afraid of change? Why what can take place without change? What then is more pleasing or more suitable to the universal nature? And canst thou take a bath unless the wood undergoes a change? And canst thou be nourished, unless the food undergoes a change? And can anything else that is useful be accomplished without change? Dost thou not see then that for thyself also to change is just the same, and equally necessary for the universal nature?”
Christmas is a time when I slow down. It is an excellent opportunity to dwell in the present moment, but also one to observe that time marches on, with or without us. That’s why how I spend my time is very important if I am to be a man of virtue.