Anchor #2: Understanding

Posted on November 3, 2012 by Chris

Always ask yourself questions…this is the key to understanding. “Why questions” seem to work the best. Why am I feeling so blue today? Why doesn’t my mate find me attractive any more? Why is that lady such a pain in the butt all the time?

As humans, we often make snap judgments about what is right and wrong, acceptable and not. Moreover, we assume many stereotypes and take shortcuts to conclusions about the things we see.

In the morning we assume the sun will “rise.” Some ancients thought they lived on a flat surface and that the sun was moving through the sky because that is the way it appeared to them. Eventually, it occurred to someone that we might be inhabiting a round planet and that the Earth’s spinning was the real reason the sun appeared to move in the sky. To start on the road to understanding, someone had to start asking “why” does the sun rise in the East and set in the West, or “why” do ships’ masts remain visible as they sail away while the hulls disappear? Through why questions like these, eventually people began to understand the reason for the sun’s apparent movement.

What about this one? Let’s say you are treated rudely by someone in public or maybe even a friend. You think, “This guy is a real jerk, I ought to punch his face!” Before you act on this impulse maybe you should ask, “Why is this guy being such a jerk?” The answer, should you have some magical way to attain one, might surprise you. What you might not be taking time to understand is that this “guy” was just dumped by the love of his life and his mother is dying of bone cancer. On top of all of that, he is working for a struggling company that is looking to reduce its workforce. Since he is one of the newest employees there, he is worried about losing his job. With all of this going on, does that give him the right to be such an ass (see definition) to you? Well, have you ever let your issues affect your attitude with others? It certainly would be nice if he could keep his personal problems from making him so difficult with you, but then again, he is only human. Are you understanding now? Do you have some understanding of why he is being such an ass?

Picture of an ass

“Why” questions seem to help us get to the root of things, but who, what, where, when, and how questions are useful also. Especially when it comes to the results of certain actions we may take.

For example, let’s deal with your urge to punch someone in the face.

Who will you be hurting if you commit such an act?–the guy, his family, yourself (after you get charged with assault or he hits you back), your family, etc.
What will such an act accomplish (or not accomplish)?–make him angry, make you look like the “jerk,” not help you in your relations with him, not likely to change his attitude, etc.
When will you cross paths with him again?–maybe never. tomorrow when he is in a better mood or willing to share some of the reasons for his bad behavior
Where will you be tomorrow?–going about your business if you walk away, defending yourself in court/a lawsuit if you act on your urge to “punch.”
How will this act make you feel?–Eventually, like a “jerk.”

So, maybe by taking the time to ask questions of yourself you might have an understanding of what punching someone in the face actually accomplishes. What is the success rate of a punch in the face accomplishing its intended goal? What is your goal in committing such an act in the first place? Is it merely to punish, to make yourself feel better, to correct someone’s behavior? What are the long term implications?

The key to understanding is to always ask questions. Always dig further. Those ancients would not have unlocked the secrets of the universe if someone hadn’t of asked, “why?”

“Why” can’t I play now?

“Why” can’t I go swimming?

I think we will be nearer to a virtuous life if we persistently ask questions like the ones above in as many situations as possible.

Don’t you think so?

Anchor #1: Compassion

Posted on November 2, 2012 by Chris

If you’ve read any of my entries, you know that an awareness of suffering is key to my own journey of living a virtuous life. Whether it is through Stoicism, Buddhism, Zen, or any other philosophy I have taken as my own, I strive to remain cognizant that everywhere people struggle. The nature of our world can be violent; it is all around us.

Much of the time, we can be wrapped up in our own world. My problems, my money, my lifestyle, etc. But all around us there are others with problems. By making yourself aware of these problems, you open your mind to caring about others. As a bonus, awareness that suffering is indeed common to all of humanity puts your own personal strife in perspective. In short, as you view your own problems and struggles, as well as all those around you, you then see them as a constant in all of the human condition.

Suffering everywhere, plenty of room for compassion

However, being aware of suffering is only the beginning. To feel compassion is to care about the sufferer. When I meditate on compassion, I begin to feel the struggles of those around me. Turn on the news, take note of one or two stories of grief. It won’t take long to find them, because the news is full of them. Alternately, you can think of your friends and family and their struggles: sickness, accidents, hunger, poverty, mental illness, loss of job. Do you have sympathy for them? Of course. Do you want to comfort them? Yes. Now you are showing compassion.

Don’t you deserve some compassion, too? Well, absolutely. What about your worst fears, your phobias, your inner struggles? You have them. I know you have them, because everybody does. However, these struggles are yours. Do you deserve compassion? Absolutely!

You can begin with compassion for yourself, as if you were another, then you can start to direct your compassion outward. As you start to feel compassion for others who suffer, you become free from self. As you start to focus outward, you become motivated to act for the sake of others, rather than for your own sake. This is refreshing, and it leads us to virtue.

So let’s meditate on compassion.

As you continue to read this post, please slow down, s-l-o-w–d-o-w-n, breathe in……….then breathe out. Now…close your eyes…notice your breath, inhale, exhale…

…think of all your struggles, and any sadness you may have. Now follow your breath, inhaling and exhaling. Show yourself compassion as if you were another, mentally pat your own back and say, “I understand” to yourself. Show yourself compassion because you deserve it. You may show compassion for yourself as long as you wish in this reflection, and you can take as long as you need until you are ready to show compassion for those around you.

Now, take a person you know closely and mentally give them a long comforting hug. Don’t forget your breath…inhale, exhale. Maintain your “hug,” and tell this suffering person that “I know how you feel” or “I can empathize with your plight.” Close your eyes, and continue to psychically hug them…hold them for a long time, and feel their pain. That’s compassion. You can continually do this over and over. You can start with those close to you, move on to casual acquaintances, then maybe move on to those you don’t know (like someone in the news). Each time you go back and start over with your “mental hug” expand your compassion outward.

Give Somebody a Hug! Anybody!

Possibly, you can broaden your scope. Feel the world around you, as you inhale and exhale. Gently and easily repeat “compassion” over and over. Maybe you have someone who you disagree with, is just plain disagreeable, or someone who is your enemy. Do you think they suffer from some malady? Feel compassion for them and their suffering as you inhale, then as you exhale…”compassion.”

You can continue this as long as you’d like. I hope it helps you with your compassion…and on your quest for virtue.

7 Meditation Anchors

Posted on October 31, 2012 by Chris

Am I being virtuous? Am I focusing on what is important? What follows are what I call my Seven Meditation Anchors. During times of relaxation (before bed, with morning coffee, or even when I think I need to relax–e.g. heavy traffic or when family has driven me to the limit). I use these 7 anchors to help me come back to what is important. Sometimes I focus on one of them, other times I meditate on each in turn. I rarely meditate for longer than 15 minutes.

Thanks, Siddhartha!

For those familiar with Zen/Buddhism, four of these, Compassion, Love, Joy, Equanimity will have a vaguely familiar look…the Four Sublime States are a cornerstone of my anchors. They are what I call the spiritual/emotional anchors. They speak to the cerebellum, the medulla, the spiritual/ancestral (limbic and reptillian) brain.

The remaining three, Understanding, Patience, and Persistence, I consider rational anchors. They speak to the cerebrum (Neocortex), or thinking brain. They elicit cause and effect, and help with the “why’s” of what to focus on.

So, here they are with a short description for each. Don’t worry, I will expand upon each in the upcoming days. (Rationals are blue, Spirituals are green)

Compassion – is to feel the suffering of others.
Understanding – is to put yourself into another’s mind, or into a situation and really think about what you would do
Patience – is to understand that things take time, despite large amounts of effort
Persistence – if things take time, then great effort is required over and over and over…
Joy – is not just joy, but sympathetic joy. This is to revel in the good fortune of others…the opposite of envy
Equanimity – is the ability to see things as they are, from a distance, to be the water and not the waves (see Passionate Equanimity)
Love – as in Lovingkindness; this is love without possessing, without judging, without expecting it in return, it is to love as if a god

Note: You may be wondering why these are listed in this particular order. It’s a simple practical decision for me: it’s because in this order, they spell CUPP-JEL, which I can remember easily. None is more important than another, in my opinion (see last paragraph of my credentials here). You might choose to start with the “rationals” and finish with the “spirituals,” or vice versa (that would spell UPPJELC). For all I care, use PLUC-JEP.

After Signing the Acceptance Contract, What Next?

Posted on October 30, 2012 by Chris

Now that I’ve made and accepted my Acceptance Contract, I am free to move on to answering other questions. I can now tackle things that are more in my control:

Why don’t more people read my blog?
Can my message help others?
How can I reach a bigger audience?
Am I focusing on the things in my life that are important?
What do people need?
Can I provide that to them?
If not, what can I provide?

Probably the biggest of these questions is, “Am I focusing on the things in my life that are important?” Well, answering this question requires me to know what is important. To know what is important, I need to answer whether I am living a life of virtue? If I am not, then why not?

What should I focus on?

What leads to a life of virtue? Honesty? Industry? Love? Sharing? These are all things to be reflected on in my meditation. I have asked these questions, and I have found that seven meditation anchors lead me to acting with virtue. They allow me to live my life with a backdrop of ocean so that whatever figurative poison drops into my life is diluted (see Passionate Equanimity).

These seven will be revealed in turn…

A Little Knowledge? (Moderation Part 7)

Posted on October 24, 2012 by Chris

Part 7 in the Moderation Series. To See Part 1, click here.

It seems like the more we know, the more we don’t know. I have lived my life never tiring of learning more. I have an insatiable appetite for knowledge, and I don’t think I’ve ever lost it.

I think one of the greatest things my parents ever did for me was purchase a set of World Book Encyclopedias. I would flip through those things devouring knowledge. Facts, figures, history, I wanted to know more and more. It was one of the ways I could explore my world around me. Searching for knowledge is inherently human, I think. However, I also think I may be obsessive about it. I am addicted to the pursuit of knowledge.

My obsession with knowledge was fueled by these.

In comes the internet circa 1993ish. What a treasure-trove of information, and it never ends! Never, never, never, never ends. Never! Sometime, about 10 years ago, I realized that I had literally burned out, completely overdosed on all the information the internet had to offer. I spent life saying “Let’s find out,” to unknown answers. With the internet, I had Yahoo, Lycos, and Google to answer all my questions. It overwhelmed me. At some point, I realized I had to slow down. I couldn’t possibly know everything.

My Desk: Sometimes I wonder if I still have “too much” information.

So is there such thing as too much knowledge? Well, I think the answer lies in comparing knowledge with wisdom. By definition, knowledge is the state of knowing something, particularly a fact. Wisdom, on the other hand, is the ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting. So, there is a lot of information out there, and it is my job to have the wisdom to tell what parts of that knowledge are useful, true, or correct.

In essence, I have to filter the knowledge I receive to gain wisdom. Wisdom, then, is the moderation of knowledge. You might argue, aha, then you don’t need to moderate your wisdom! I would tend to agree. Wisdom, in and of itself, is a moderating word. To say we only need wisdom in moderation, is like saying we only need moderation in moderation.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

“…grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference…” from the Serenity Prayer attributed to Reinhold Neibuhr