Category Archives: Stoicism

“We”: Taking Care of Us, and not Solving World Hunger

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Late nights with college friends, long flights with aircrew over the ocean, discussions at family gatherings, social parties, and poker games…it seems that I have discussed “how things should be” with thousands of people.  I have heard countless opinions on how the world “should be.”  I certainly have a few of my own.  We can ironically refer to these conversations as “solving world hunger.”  Dialogue below:

  • Questioner: “What did you do last night?”
  • Me: “We solved world hunger.” (Translation;  We talked, talked, talked, about all of the things we think we could fix about the world, and basically accomplished nothing…but it was fun.)

So often, I reach for the moon and stars with my mind, thinking I can have an effect.  I get frustrated at the entire world around me, and how messed up it seems at times.  I want to fix it.  If I were king of the world, I certainly could.  In the end, all this thought and talk about “solving world hunger” is just talk.  It has very little impact.

“If I were the king of the world, I tell you what I’d do.  I’d throw away the cars and the bars, and the war, and make sweet love to you”–Three Dog Night from “Joy to the World”

You probably won't solve world hunger.

You probably won’t solve world hunger.

So then how do I make an impact, after I am ready to serve?  Well, this is where I start contemplating “we.”  By “we,” what do I mean?  Well, let me start a list of people I think of as “we”:

  1. My spouse or beloved
  2. My children
  3. My extended family (Parents, Brothers and Sisters)
  4. Coworkers
  5. Neighbors (on my street)
  6. Close Friends

Certainly, I should not continually and focus on me alone.  However, when I am ready to serve, it certainly should begin with those closest to me.  The philosopher has to determine who the “we” are (or is).  Above I have listed my “we.”  Some people think that every human, plant, and animal in the world is their “we.”  More power to them.  I claim that they have overextended their efforts.  I propose that they have minimized their impact by trying to control what they cannot, and by diverting their precious resources away from what they can control.  The closer the radius, the greater likelihood that there is control.

I will end this entry, with one simple exercise that you can practice in your interactions with your “we.”  For one day (or one week if you dare), maintain your patience with your spouse/significant other and/or your children.  When you feel impatience with them setting in, take some breaths and realize that they are not yours, that they are independent of you.  Then, really listen to them!  Their actions are completely out of your control, but your REACTIONS to them are completely in your control.

Try really listening to your loved ones.

Try really listening to your loved ones.

Good luck!  You know the exercise won’t be easy.  Please let me know how it went.

Taking Care of Yourself: A Parable

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Like the traveler on an aircraft, you are vulnerable.  At any time, the cabin may lose pressurization and you would not have enough oxygen to breathe.   If there were to be a rapid decompression, vapor would fill the room, the pressure would drop, and your lungs would deflate.  Your lungs would be unable to provide you the required oxygen, because there is simply not enough pressure.  Of course, if everything worked as expected, the oxygen masks would drop providing you with enough pure oxygen to survive until the situation was under control.

(In the video:  The Masks Drop at 1:28)

But did you remember what the flight attendant said?  “Always put your own mask on first.”  Why?  Because if you tried to put your child’s mask on first you would pass out before you might help either her or you.  You must put your own mask on FIRST.  Once you do, you can help others.  So make, sure you are taken care of, then move on to helping those closest to you.

Notice that you don’t have to be safely on the ground or 100% secure to help others, but you do have to at least have the tools to function as a servant.

Me

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“If one were to measure what is agreeable by the standard of pleasure, nothing would be pleasanter than self-control; and if one were to measure what is to be avoided by pain, nothing would be more painful than lack of self-control.” Musonius Rufus

How do I live?  Isn’t that the whole point of having a philosophy?  It is good to have a philosophy, to be whole and virtuous, to have tranquility, but is it a mistake to spend the bulk of my time and thought on “me”?  In the end, we are looking for our own contentment. I am not going to lie to myself; in the end, how I live my life is determined by how it makes “me” feel.  Will my actions and thoughts bring me tranquility?

I close my eyes for a moment.  What do I sense?  Where is the center of this sensation?  For some, it will be in our heads, for others it will be somewhere near the center of mass of our body, maybe the navel, maybe near the heart.  What is my perspective when I open my eyes?  The perspective comes from the center of my head.  When I listen where does the sound go?  Inside me somewhere, yes?  When I feel pleasant, where do I feel it…somewhere within the boundaries of my body, no?  Everything starts somewhere within the confines of “me.”  For you, it is the same.

The Eyes are the "Portal to the Soul"

The Eyes are the “Portal to the Soul”

My point here is that I cannot avoid the fact that everything in my life starts with an egocentric motive, it starts with me.  All things in my life start with me.  All the things that I can control are inside of me.  My mood, my thoughts, parts of my health.  This is not to say that everything in me is in my control.  I will maintain that cancer may destroy my body regardless of how much I do not want it to.  My brain does not fire on all cylinders all the time despite how much I want it to.  The examples abound of things I cannot control within me.  But here is my point: if it is something we can control, it is within us.  Nothing outside of us is completely in our control.

Tall Ship

Are you “seaworthy?”

Moreover, too many times we attempt to “fix” the world around us before we have made ourselves ready for the task.  Before setting sail, shouldn’t we make sure our ship is seaworthy?  Absolutely!  Keep in mind, that you could spend 100% of your time on yourself, and of course there will still be imperfection.  For a ship, being seaworthy does not mean that there aren’t maintenance issues to be dealt with constantly.  Eventually, you have to sail with what you have, and you deal with the minor issues on the ship as they appear.  So, I hope you see my point:  tending to your own mind and body is first and will take the bulk of your time, but that is so you can well and faithfully serve where necessary…but only if and when you have readied yourself.

I think that is why the Stoic philosophy is so “me-oriented,” since that is the locus of control that we truly have.  That is why me is always first.  Wholeness begins with yourself.  You can serve others better when you are whole.

Me, We, and They

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I think living a virtuous life is a balance between tending to me, we, and they. It starts with tending to “me,” but at some point I move on to “we” and “they.”  As I move on to “we” and “they,” I always return back to “me” again, cultivating my own virtue.  Certainly, part of virtuous living is how effectively I keep these in balance, and how smoothly I transition to tending each.  A good balance I think, is about 50/30/20 (me/we/they).

Starting with "me."

Starting with “me.”

I will discuss this in more detail soon.  Starting with, “me” of course.

...then "we" and "they"

…then “we” and “they”

“Root out the violence in your life, and learn to live compassionately and mindfully. Seek peace. When you have peace within, real peace with others is possible.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh

The Story of Epictetus

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I recently talked about The Buddha, and how his life started as one of riches and comfort.  I also mentioned that perhaps this state of life positioned him to begin his journey toward enlightenment.  In short (very short), his life of riches did not mean eternal happiness, and in fact may have made him more attuned to dissatisfaction in life.

Epictetus with his cane

Epictetus with his cane

On the other hand, Epictetus, one of our Stoics, came from the opposite “side of the tracks.”  He was born around AD 55 as a roman slave, well actually he was born in a Greek-speaking region of the Roman empire.  He was lame in one leg from childhood.  In some stories, this bad leg was the result of a beating of his slavemaster, although it could have been a rheumatic (arthritis) condition he inherited.  Either way, it was a physical impediment throughout his life.  Early in life, still a child by most measures, he came to Rome as a slave of a freed slave named Epaphroditus.  Epaphroditus allowed Epictetus to study under another famous Stoic, Musonius Rufus, where certainly much of his philosophy was formed.   In his teens, he was eventually freed from slavery.  When he was 34, he (and many other philosophers) was banished from Rome by the Emperor Domitian.  Let’s not gloss over this; think about what it would be like for the government to come to your house and say, “We don’t like what you do for a living, now you must leave the country, because you are a threat.”  This is is what this would be like in modern times.  Really, really imagine this (hopefully you only have to imagine this, and have never actually experienced this) and how difficult this would be.  You would have to either pay for movement of some/all of your possessions and/or leave some/all of your possessions behind.  In any case, he did leave and he continued to teach philosophy in Western Greece (Nicopolis) until his death at about 80.  He lived a solitary and simple life, with very few possessions. He either married very late in his life or not at all (depending on the account).  Also in his late life, he adopted a child whose parents were unable to provide for it.

Nicopolis on the Western Coast

Nicopolis on the Western Coast

It may very well have been his experience as both a slave and with physical handicap that convinced him that life is a struggle that is given to us as a gift for our improvement.  Furthermore, our attachment to controlling that which we cannot control causes us even more grief.  Suffering and the relief of suffering–this sounds a lot like the Buddha.  Read this excerpt below and try and distinguish this from Buddhism (Although there are differences in style and degree, I have a difficult time):

On suffering:  “Difficulties are what show men’s character. Therefore when a difficult crisis meets you, remember that you are as the raw youth with whom God the trainer is wrestling…That you may win at Olympia: and that cannot be done without sweating for it.”  –Discourses Book 1 Chapter 1

On attachment:  “But now when it is in our power to look after one thing, and to attach ourselves to it, we prefer to look after many things, and to be bound to many things, to the body and to property, and to brother and to friend, and to child and to slave. Since, then, we are bound to many things, we are depressed by them and dragged down. For this reason, when the weather is not fit for sailing, we sit down and torment ourselves, and continually look out to see what wind is blowing. “It is north.” What is that to us? “When will the west wind blow?” When it shall choose, my good man, or when it shall please Aeolus; for God has not made you the manager of the winds, but Aeolus. What then? We must make the best use that we can of the things which are in our power, and use the rest according to their nature. What is their nature then? As God may please.” –Discourses  Book 1 Chapter 24

Epictetus’ teaching cuts to the heart of living the Heroic Stoic way.  Always in mind, should be the source of suffering and its relief by our non-attachment.   Always in mind are how most things are out of our control.  Much of our life is destined by fate, and all of it is impermanent.