To be happy…for someone else. It sounds easy to do, doesn’t it? Of course, it does. You are probably thinking of someone close to you: your brother finally getting that job, your son graduating college, your sister won the big jackpot at pachinko, your friend got a raise.
Pachinko–Japanese Slot Machines?
However, when you really think about it are you 100% happy for that person? 100%!? There is not a tinge of jealousy or “sour grapes?” You are not thinking things like this?
- About your brother and his job – I need a new job, too!
- About your son and his graduation – Why didn’t I ever get my degree?
- About your sister and her big win – Money isn’t everything, she might be sorry after the tax bill comes!
- About your friend and his raise – I wish I was “in” with the boss.
Called Mudita in Sanskrit, sympathetic joy means unconstrained happiness for another’s good fortune. This means not only to feel happy for them, but to do so unconditionally without those “sour grapes” feelings. Sometimes I am just outright envious of others’ happiness, which means that I really have a long way to go before I can really feel any joy, let alone sympathetic joy for another.
Sour Grapes?
To have the thoughts in 1 – 4 above is not necessarily bad in and of itself. We can use others’ success and happiness to reflect on where our life is going (e.g. What can I do to get a new job?) and on what is important to us (“I really don’t need a college degree at this point in my life” or “money really isn’t everything”). However, these kinds of thoughts, particularly in the moments right after we discover the good news, can indicate that we are unwilling to be unconditionally joyous for others.
Even more difficult is to have sympathetic joy for someone we do not know and then, heaven forbid, for someone we really don’t like. This attitude requires some cultivation to be sure. Think of an elected official who you did not want to win his position, but he won anyway. Can you be happy for him? What about the lady in front of you at the checkout counter who is the 1 millionth customer? She just won $50,000! Can you be happy for her? What about the guy who just passed you on the right (oh, the humanity!) and made it through that red light?
To meditate on whether or not you have an unconditional joy for others can be a very powerful tool in your journey toward virtue. You can also develop the ability to have better sympathetic joy by meditating on it. Your meditation may begin with gently closing your eyes, then following your breath. When you breathe in, notice your breath and say “breathing in. When you breathe out, notice the out-breath and say “breathing out,” and so on…
As you continue to follow your breath meditate on someone with good fortune; maybe a friend, your spouse, or family member. Truly feel their joy. Their joy is your joy. You are happy. As you continue, you can think of someone you don’t know. You can think of someone who has had great fortune. Maybe a neighbor you are not close to who has just had a newborn child. Truly feel their joy. Their joy is your joy. You are happy because they are happy. Next, you can think of someone you do not particularly like. They have great fortune that comes their way. Truly feel their joy. Their joy is your joy. You are happy because they are happy.
Welcome to Mudita…One of the Four Sublime States and one my 7 Meditation Anchors.
Will you try this?